


Slow Burn

by mforpaul (Linde)



Series: Slow Burn [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 08:07:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15481374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linde/pseuds/mforpaul
Summary: Sex, Scotch & SonnyFollowing an impulse Rafael invites Sonny for a drink in a bar, after he had left the DA's office. How could he know he would fall in love?





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He took a burning sip of the Scotch. Rafael’s problem now was that his work was the love of his life. He is a passionate man and now he had nothing to put his passion into. He was bored. Which also felt good actually. He was not ready yet to get a new job. He finished his drink, just when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. The detective sliding next to him with a casual smile."

Wasn’t it entirely out off character for him to invite him for drinks?

Anyway, it was too late now. He leaned on the bar looking into his Scotch, his second one. Or third. He had poured down a double upon arrival.

The trial was eleven weeks ago. Not guilty. He was in some weird state where he managed to not think about what he's done. He just didn’t think about it. No contemplating about feeling guilty and not guilty at the same time. It was not behind him. But he managed not to think about it. In a way, that felt good.

He had never said goodbye.

Rafael had said goodbye to Liv in front of the courthouse. They had only met a few times after that. He thought that she was angry at him for leaving. So be it. He was not able to deal with this for now. He had said goodbye to Carmen of course. And Fin had said goodbye to him. Fin had been cleverer than him. The morning after the trial, Fin had waited outside of his favorite coffee place, hugged him, wished him the best and told him to call now and then. These were the kind of goodbyes that Rafael liked. The ones where there is nothing left to say.

He took a burning sip of the Scotch. Rafael’s problem now was that his work was the love of his life. He is a passionate man and now he had nothing to put his passion into. He was bored. Which also felt good actually. He was not ready yet to get a new job.

He finished his drink, just when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. The detective sliding next to him with a casual smile. There was no free bar stool.

It was very out of character for him to ask him to share a few drinks. Last weekend, he had briefly met with Liv and Noah in the park. She hadn’t talked about work and he hadn’t asked. It had been weird. So, he had made a mental note to start wondering about his old workplace on Monday. Which he had.

Should he have said goodbye to everyone? He didn’t give a damn about anyone in the DA’s office, except Carmen. At the precinct, Rollins would have given him a clean goodbye, like Fin, just with less heart probably. Besides, Rafael did not find her particularly nice. So he had been deliberating on the remaining detective - with no result.

  
Then, on Thursday evening, sitting on his little balcony, pouring down an extra spicy Scotch named “Prophecy” from the lonely Scottish island of Jura where George Orwell once wrote his dark novel _1984_ , he had picked up his phone and texted the detective: [ _Hey]_. He should have been able to add something verbally more elegant, but the reply had come almost immediately: [ _Hey]_. Rafael had almost been able to hear the surprise out of this word.

   R: _How are you doing?_  
   S: _Fine, workin a lot as usual. Nothin special_  
   S: _How are u?_  
   R: _I’m ok. Nothing special, too_  
   S: _Still unemployed?_  
   R: _Yeah, I am mastering doing nothing_  
   S: _Dont u miss the law?_  
   R: _Yeah. But I need some time off after what I done_  
   S: _Dont treat urself too hard_  
   R: _Are you upset with me?_  
   S: _No_  
   R: _Ok_  
   S: _I dont think you did smt wrong._  
   R: _Nothing can break your affection in me?_  
   S: _No… but not that. You tried to do good. I dont judge_  
   R: _So, no hard feelings?_  
   S: _Nope_  
   R: _Look._  
   R: _You wanna grab a drink sometime when you’re free?_  
   S: _Why?_  
   R: _What kind of answer you expect over texting?_  
   S: _Okay_  
   S: _Need to stay late tmw for paperwork but no work on Saturday, so what do u say we hit the bar around 10-10.30 tmw?_  
   R: _Ok then_  
   S: _But Im buying_  
   R: _No, I invited you_  
   S: _Ur unemployed cant let u pay_  
   R: _You’re too polite_  
   S: _And ur too impolite to reject_  
   R: _No objection_  
   S: _Okay then, cu tmw_  
   R: _Bye_

Nothing surprised Rafael about this man. He was utterly loyal, nice and kind. Rafael didn't deserve it. Even after eleven weeks of silence, he just asked him how he was and agreed to meet him the next day.

Nevertheless, he had not been sure if the good catholic boy would offer him a small guilt trip. Or worse, if his former shadow would be disappointed in him. At the very least, he would offer him some eye candy, that was for sure.

So here they were. It was nearly eleven o’clock. The warm smile that he beamed at Rafael shined right into his bright blue eyes. He’s too much. He really was happy to see him. This is why so many people, including Rafael, in the beginning, don’t get along with him: He wears his heart on his sleeve.

"Hi”, Carisi said, giving a thumbs up to Rafael's empty glass. "I hope you didn’t wait too long.” 

“It’s okay, I have time”, Rafael replied.

Carisi was still wearing his suit from work. A three piece, slim-fit, navy blue suit with a matching tie, shirt light blue. Too much hair jelly.

"A beer”, Carisi gestured to the bartender. “And another Scotch for him.” Carisi turned to him. He looked tired. “It was a nice surprise. Are you okay?”, Carisi asked in honest concern.

"I’m alright. - Really”, he added because he knew concerned Carisi would not believe him. To convince him, Rafael talked quiet and fast, looking Carisi in the eye: “I'm taking my time. Right now, I try not to think about my actions too much. So let’s not talk about this. If you have something you need to say, get it off your heart now and then shut up about it for the rest of the evening”, Rafael said harshly.

Carisi studied Rafael's face thoughtfully, but his smile was still intact. He slowly shook his head.

“No. As I said. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You did what you thought was right. I respect that.”

Rafael considered him for a long moment. He knew about Carisi's niece’s trial that had ended a couple of weeks ago. He should ask Carisi how he was dealing with all that. But Rafael decided to avoid a sensitive subject.

So everything was said.

Carisi was so genuine. Rafael was happy Carisi was not going to make a fuss. Rafael didn’t want to get emotional.

Perfectly timed, the bartender put a new Scotch in front of him and gave Carisi his beer. Carisi took it and gulped half of the beer down in one go.

He looked tired.

A stray of dirty blond hair won against the hair product and fell down his forehead.

Rafael liked that.

“We should get you a chair”, he said lazily.

"Nah. I have been sitting for the last five hours or somethin'”, Carisi replied. Staten Island accent unscathed. “But let’s not talk about work.”

What else should they talk about?

Carisi poured down the rest of his beer and looked at him, pointing with his eyes to Rafael’s Scotch.

The next one would be his fifth drink within half an hour, he needed to slow down.

“I got a little head start”, Rafael said shaking his head. Carisi shrugged his shoulders and ordered himself another beer. Carisi stretched his long body and stroke his big hand over his face.

He just looked tired.

“So, why?”, Carisi asked again, looking Rafael in the eye.

Rafael had tried to answer that question the day before via text, but had failed. Was he trying to catch up with an ex-colleague? _No._ Was he feeling bad for not saying goodbye after they worked so closely together? _Yes._ Was it because he indeed had a thing for that eager, self-confident, tall man? _Maybe._

“I just… I never said my goodbyes. You annoyed me a lot and I guess, I was a shitty mentor but once I got around that puppy eye act, I enjoyed working with you. So…”, Rafael said this much letting out a heavy breath, shrugging his shoulder. _What more was there to say?_

"I never expected that you would say anything near that nice to me tonight”, Carisi smirked. It suited him.

"Well, this is all the niceness that I have to give for tonight."

Rafael burned some Scotch down his throat. The bartender gave Carisi his next beer. Carisi turned around and stood with the back to the bar, putting his elbow on the counter and letting his eyes trail over the crowd. Carisi put the beer bottle to his pink lips. The shadow of a beard showed. His Adam’s apple moved when he swallowed.

Rafael let his eyes trail over Carisi’s form. Tall, thin, some muscles. That man was made for wearing suits. Or uniforms. He just looked like a cop. _Why did he ever take the bar exam?_ , Rafael wondered.

Even though his thoughts had started to babble, Rafael realized that Carisi had returned his attention back to him. Rafael let his eyes trail slowly over the blue suit up to the matching eyes. Carisi gave him a surprised, but amused look. Rafael didn’t care, four drinks in and they didn’t work together anymore. He would check him out openly all he wanted. Carisi smiled and didn’t say anything. Rafael enjoyed that Carisi enjoyed being appreciated.

“We miss you at SVU”, Carisi said.

“I know no other DA can keep up with me”, Rafael commented sharply.

Carisi smiled: “He's doing all right. But I miss you, you helped me a lot with passing the bar and legal insights…”

“You said we wouldn’t talk about work”, Rafael cut him off. He was not comfortable with Carisi giving him compliments about their former work life. He didn’t want to hear it.

And Carisi seemed to understand. “Okay. Then tell me what are you doing these days?”, Carisi asked turning around to lean in closer.

The bar was loud.

"On Wednesday, I finished two books in one afternoon”, Rafael said, raising his brow ironically.

"How many pages?”, Carisi asked.

“One around a hundred and fifty and the other one two hundred.”

“Nah, that’s not impressive. We both studied law, we are used to more”, Carisi smiled.

Rafael wondered when he had started to tolerate the Staten Island accent.

"You should ask about the titles”, Rafael replied arrogantly.

"Okay, which books did you read?”

Carisi's second beer was finished. He ordered the next one and a new Scotch for Rafael. He hadn’t finished his last one, but the bartender put the new Scotch next to his last half-finished one nonetheless.

Because another stray of blond hair fell onto his forehead, Rafael allowed Carisi to talk about his Mamma’s book club on Staten Island. But he was not nice enough to listen. Instead he tasted the heavily peated Scotch on his tongue and slowly swallowed, enjoying the slow burn in his throat. Carisi’s babbling was like background music.

It was a good evening. 

Rafael leaned forward a little because he wanted to smell Carisi’s cologne. He had always found it too soft for him. After the long day Carisi had, the cologne had worn off anyways. He smelled more like himself. Scent of a man.

Rafael tilted his head a bit while studying Carisi’s face. _Was Carisi straight_? He had asked himself that question many times.

He probably was.

"Maybe you should start a book club”, Carisi concluded and gestured for another beer.

“Maybe you should go easy on the drinks”, Rafael replied.

“It was a long week and I don’t have to work tomorrow”, Carisi defended himself. He ran his long fingers through his gold and silver hair. “Don’t you miss the law?”, Carisi asked again.

"I do, I am bored”, Rafael answered honestly. “But it’s fine for now. I need some time off.”

"Do you know how to do that?”, Carisi asked with his eyes crinkling in amusement.

Rafael lifted his Scotch in order to make a point. “I have booze and you pay for it. Couldn’t be better.” Carisi grinned. All right, Rafael would try to be nice one more time tonight and ask him a question: “What do you do when you don’t work?”

Carisi gave him an astonished look. “Well, I visit my dad and my ma on weekends. I have three sisters, two nieces… I go to Mass on Sundays. I hit the gym - sometimes.” Carisi shrugged. “I help Amanda with Jesse. I like to cook. And sometimes, I buy drinks for unemployed lawyers.”

By the end of his speech, Carisi took off his suit jacket and with an apologetic smile hanged it over the bar stool that Rafael was sitting on.

And Rafael could swear Carisi was smelling his cologne. Luckily, he had decided to put on his most exclusive one.

“And last month, I volunteered to give free legal advice to an organization in my neighborhood that helps illegal immigrants."

Carisi is too friendly. But Rafael admired his self-confidence about it. Carisi was not ashamed to be nice and he didn’t care when people mocked him for that or took advantage of it. He was always confident with how he is. It was admirable, Rafael had to admit.

“You never date?”, Rafael asked.

The fifth drink in his hand and they didn’t work together anymore, he didn’t care if that question went too far.

Carisi blushed. The flushed cheeks were a fantastic look on him. Maybe this had been why Rafael had enjoyed teasing him so much during their time working together.

“If I have the opportunity”, Carisi answered rather shyly.

Rafael took a deep breath, he didn’t know how to go on from there. The eloquent man he was.

Too late anyway, because Carisi managed to bring the conversation from there to one of his sisters who gets engaged all the time and her dating life.

Rafael let him chat. He actually had gotten quite fond of the Staten Island accent over time.

It felt homey.

Rafael tilted his head. For a straight guy, he used too much hair product and wore too well-fitted suits. And he made cakes for his coworker’s birthdays. He was also not that kind of Catholic who is homophobic. But no gay alarm went on, Carisi just stroke him as straight.

The Scotch and the company made him feel good. Carisi ordered the next round. Rafael stopped keeping track of how many drinks they had had. Carisi got tipsy. The beer seemed to wake him up. He talked about his sisters. He seemed to have at least six of them who all made terrible choices when it came to men. Rafael couldn’t help but laugh at one of the stories: “She should go blindfolded into a bar. She would for sure end up with a better guy.” Carisi had enough humor to laugh along.

Then Carisi talked about how his Nonna used to make him mountains of food. It reminded Rafael of his Abuelita. Carisi had made a show of pulling up his sleeves, slowly exposing the muscles of his lower arms. So Rafael told him about his Abuelita and there was nothing left to do than to smile together about the similarities.

It was nearly one o’clock when the bar started getting too loud.

Yet, the conversation was still nice.

So Rafael leaned in close so as to speak into Carisi’s ear. He took in the smell of the detective who had a long day behind him. He smelled sweet and salty.

“I have a little balcony, let’s have our nightcap there”, he said into Carisi’s ears.

Carisi turned his face to lock eyes and agreed.

“Let’s flip the table.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. Happy for every comment and kudos. Love & Peace!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They both laughed. Rafael took a sip of Scotch and enjoyed the burn. Sonny cheered the glass to him. You don’t do that to Scotch but as his blond hair was all over his forehead, Rafael said nothing. Sonny didn’t even try to suppress the shiver when the Scotch burned. It made sense that Carisi doesn’t like strong liquor, Rafael thought."

The cold air indicated the end of spring and the beginning of summer on this first night of May in New York City. The fresh air filled their lungs as soon as the doors of the bar opened.

“I'm hungry”, Carisi announced.

Somehow Rafael was not surprised at all.

“At least now I know who’s responsible for your appetite”, Rafael commented.

“Well, Nonna would heat up lasagna for me any time”, Carisi smiled.

Abuelita would have not approved of eating in the middle of the night.

“When it comes to drunken food cravings, there is nothing better than Middle Eastern food anyways”, Rafael said casually looking around. Since he didn’t work, he didn’t check his phone all the time.

“I was gonna say exactly the same thing”, Carisi’s face lightened up. “When you’re drunk, Kebab or Falafel is the deal.” Carisi grabbed Rafael by the arm but dropped it right away. “Come on”, he said with an exaggerated gesture.

They ended up eating Falafel and fries with a coke at a small food stall a few blocks from the bar.

It was perfect.

It must have been decades since the last time that Rafael had been binge eating in the middle of a drunken night. He felt old. He looked at the other man who ate like he had a hole in his stomach. They were simply standing on the sidewalk eating.

It was absolutely great.

After they finished, they both poured down a bottle of water. The food and the fresh air had sobered them up quite a bit. Rafael didn’t like that.

“My apartment is like five blocks away from here”, Rafael asked, wondering whether their nightcap was still on.

“We can walk that”, Carisi replied.

_Good._

And so they had a walk through the nocturnal streets of Manhattan.

It was also unexpectedly satisfying.

They spent the walk in silence. Feeling a tiny breeze on their faces. Rafael could even phase out the smell of garbage and exhaust gas. Scent of a city.

When Rafael opened the door to his apartment, he gestured Carisi welcome without much introduction. He noted how the detective checked out his apartment while he went to the kitchen and took two glasses out of a cupboard. He grabbed a bottle of water and when he came back to the living room, he watched Carisi putting his suit jacket over a wooden chair, unbuttoning his vest before sitting down on the couch and loosening his tie. He didn’t realize Rafael watched him. Rafael admired how easily Carisi made himself comfortable.

“Have a water”, Rafael said.

After they both drank a glass, Rafael pointed to the big window. “The balcony is over there.”

Then, Rafael went back into the kitchen. He had a collection of Scotch. Gifts and rewards he made to himself after a win in court. He chose Bowmore Whiskey. It was from the Scottish island of Islay, the one next to the Isle of Jura, a more populated island, but he didn’t know if someone famous wrote something famous there. He only knew that the Bowmore distillery heats the local swimming pool with the heat produced during whiskey production.

“This is great”, Carisi said joyfully gesturing when Rafael came to the balcony.

The balcony was a shoebox. You could barely turn around, there were some wooden pallets on which Rafael had put the cushions of his old couch. This was where Sonny had sit down.

The balcony faced the inner courtyard, so they were basically just looking at walls. Dust of either the air conditioning or the heating systems filled the air constantly. Rafael also loves his balcony.

It was not even cold except for a little breeze.

“Ironically, I got a fair discount because the balcony is so small”, Rafael laughed and sat down next to him.

There was really just place for two people on that couch.

“You own that place?”, Carisi asked in disbelief.

Of course, he is impressed. Rafael remembered his Abuelita stalking around in this tiny Manhattan flat as if it’s the Buckingham Palace. She would have liked him. Abuelita would have cooked mountains of food that Sonny would eat enthusiastically without getting fat and Abuelita would slowly forgive Rafael his soft spot for pretty, white boys.

But she was not here.

Rafael nodded while he poured the Scotch into the glasses.

“I bought it exactly twenty one years ago. Last year I paid the last installment”, Rafael said raising his brow self-approvingly. “It’s a good time to become unemployed.”

They both laughed. Rafael took a sip of Scotch and enjoyed the burn. Carisi cheered the glass to him. You don’t do that to Scotch but as his blond hair had won the fight against the hair product, Rafael said nothing.

Carisi didn’t even try to suppress the shiver when the Scotch burned. It made sense that Carisi doesn’t like strong liquor, Rafael thought.

“I got it cheap, I have to admit”, he said.

“Why? Was someone murdered in here?”, Sonny joked.

Rafael couldn’t help the big smile that crawled into his face. “Actually, yes.”

Carisi laughed hard and Rafael just had to laugh along. They had so much to drink.

“A hit by the Italian mob.”

They laughed even harder.

Rafael felt like a teenager. It was so freeing.

He leaned in to tell the story about the mafia hitman that his neighbors had told him when he had moved in. Rafael started talking too fast and too silent. The way you just had to hang on Rafael Barba’s lips. He missed the courtroom as his stage.

They were so close. Their heads sometimes nearly touched while laughing. Rafael tried to remember the names of the hitman and which family feuded with whom and ended up just saying random Italian names. Carisi saw through this.

Suddenly, Carisi sat up facing him on that small couch. Their knees touched. His vest was open, sleeves rolled up, loose tie. In one hand, he held the Scotch and his hair was all over his forehead. He stretched his back. And he made an impression of an Italian mobster. Rafael couldn’t help it. Sonny was surprisingly good at this. Rafael hated himself for finding him so damn attractive in this moment. He couldn’t stop the smile crossing his face.

Drama club in high school came to his mind. So Rafael sat up, faced Carisi and did his own version of Corleone, a better one of course. Carisi’s beautiful blue eyes lit up in surprised amusement. Smiling suited him so much more than his intensive work face.

They laughed a lot together. Rafael couldn’t tell the last time he had such a good time. He refilled the Scotch and sat back, so did Carisi. They drank and sat in silence for a while.

The City was always full of noise and lights. But here on that balcony, it didn’t matter.

Rafael slouched deeper into the couch and put his legs on the banister.

“You’re blocking my view”, Sonny said sarcastically and did the same.

Their feet were not touching but their shoulders were. It was unnecessary. Carisi was close all evening without giving anything away. Carisi was that kind of guy who was just genuinely nice. Who genuinely worshipped a badass lawyer because he wanted to be mentored by him. Who was genuinely kind enough to simply have a good time with a friend.

Well, Rafael was not going to ruin any of it by hitting on a straight man.

Carisi took out his phone and checked out the clock. Rafael saw the time flashing on the display. It was after three thirty.

Carisi sighed.

“I should get going, before I get too drunk”, he said.

 _So polite_.

“You don’t have to”, Rafael said openly. “I mean, you can if you’re tired. But I'm fine. You don’t have to feel obliged to go because of manners.”

Carisi stared at him. Blue eyes looked into viridian.

“Okay good, because it’s really comfortable here”, Carisi said, leaning his head back closing his eyes.

“But don’t fall asleep”, Rafael teased and refilled the Scotch.

After a nice sip of slow burn whiskey, he also let his head fall back and closed his eyes.

His Nonna wouldn’t have liked Rafael. This woman seemed to have done nothing else than cooking or going to Mass. He cannot have dessert and pasta all the time. Nonna wouldn’t have liked his attitude and his fancy suits.

But once again, she was not here.

“There was a group of Italians in my Catholic School, they called themselves _The Godfathers_ ”, Rafael told randomly.

Carisi chuckled. “There was a group of Latinos in my Catholic School who called themselves _The Don Juan de Marcos_.”

“Yeah, that’s worse.”

So they talked about Catholic School. Rafael seemed to have been too busy with Drama Club and getting a scholarship to Harvard, because he could not tell many interesting stories. He was a bit ashamed that the stupid Staten Island Catholic School provided better stories than the Bronx’s Catholic School. It was astonishing how often Dominick Carisi Jr. got sent to the principal’s office. But Carisi had not just been picked on. He’d use to beat up this guy because of his sister, this other guy because of his other sister and so on and so forth. Rafael had also been in fights, but mostly to defend himself. It was lame. Rafael had spent his school life time discussing with obnoxious English teachers who thought they knew Virginia Woolf better than him.

He could not believe, that teenage Carisi was cooler than teenage Barba.

“We Catholic School Boys get in trouble”, Carisi said raising his brow, looking at Rafael knowingly.

“Teachers found you making out with girls in the bathroom?”, Rafael teased.

Carisi blushed. It was seductive.

Carisi ran his hand through his hair. “It happened… a few times”, he admitted embarrassed. “But it was just making out.”

Of course, he was a good boy after all.

Rafael had a joke on his tongue about how he probably made as bad choices in women as his sisters did in men. But not tonight.

After a few more Scotch, Carisi looked at his phone again. It was after five.

“I should get going.”

What should he say. Even Rafael was very tired by now. The man probably got up twenty four hours ago.

Rafael wanted him to bang the crap out of him right on this balcony.

But this night was in its simplicity one of the best nights he ever had.

So Rafael nodded pouting: “You want me to make you a coffee to sober up before you go?”

"Nah, not necessary”, Carisi said with a big gesture.

His hair fell into his face.

It was this night on this balcony that Rafael had started to find Staten Island accent sexy.

So they got up, stretching. Carisi yawned excessively.

“You’re going to make it home, right?”, Rafael asked, because he felt like he had to.

Carisi just pushed air through his teeth as a response. Rafael went to the kitchen and gave him some water. Then he stood by the door with his hands in his pockets while Carisi got his jacket.

“It’s kinda nice to meet you outside of work. It’s a revelation to see that you're not an ass when we’re not coworkers. You can be fun.”

Rafael tightened his eyes into a lethal look: “Please don’t ruin it by complementing me.”

“C’mon admit it. You had fun tonight.”

“I did”, Rafael sighed rolling his eyes. “I didn’t have so much fun in a long time.”

They lingered in front of the door.

And there it was.

Carisi had been close all night without making any move, but now he did.

He leaned in.

Just a bit.

He bowed his head for a kiss. He stopped the motion after a bit to see how the other man would react. But he definitely leaned in.

Rafael took a step forward and raised his chin. Carisi’s lips formed a little smile. They met each other half way.

His lips were soft and sticky from the Scotch. Rafael relished Carisi’s scent in his nose. He smelled like work, like sweat and like Scotch. After enjoying the feel of their lips together for a few moments, Carisi slid his tongue into Rafael’s mouth.

Rafael took a heavy breath through his nose and hungrily clenched Carisi’s jaw with his two hands.

Carisi slowly caressed Rafael’s tongue with his. Rafael liked that move. It made his cock twitch.

He let his hands slide down Carisi’s neck, his throat and grabbed his tie. It’s so sexy to pull a man by his tie. He drew Carisi close and felt his growing erection against his hip.

The kiss was so Carisi. It was intense. Romantic. Hungry. He kissed like it was the first time and like it was the last time. With all his passion. Carisi gave himself fully in. So Rafael let his passion out and showed the younger man how to kiss until you’re hard.

They were standing there in the doorway making  out like teenagers for long minutes until Rafael pulled away. Carisi opened his eyes in disappointment.

“So not straight I presume”, Rafael smirked, studying the blond man’s face.

Carisi let out a little laugh. “No”, he said in a low voice. _Good,_ that was not a lie.

“So, you want to take this to the bedroom?”, Rafael whispered licking his lips. Carisi could not take his eyes off them. He swallowed hard and after a short pause nodded. “Yeah."

  
“Good”, Rafael grabbed him by the hand.

Finally, he was done looking at that damn blue suit. That suit was going to come off and he would see his detective naked.

When they arrived in the bedroom, Rafael quickly turned on his bedside lamp. Indirect lightning and all. He spun around to Carisi and… he saw the nervousness breaking out within his excitement.

“You okay?” Rafael had to ask.

Clothes a mess, hair a mess and this beautiful, blue eyes full of lust. _Irresistible._

“Look, it’s not like I don’t want this, but…”

Carisi rubbed his hands together. His cheeks flushed. Rafael wanted this cheeks to turn red because of sex.

 _Damn it_ , he had to ask.

“You have been with a man before?”

“Yeah. Yes, I have”, Carisi replied quickly. “It’s just… been a while.” _Fair enough_. “So if we could… you know, slow. I mean not slow, just not…”, he kept muttering.

“I got it”, Rafael interrupted him.

Thankfulness lit up in Carisi’s eyes.

Rafael actually didn’t get it. But he didn’t care. He didn’t want to break the heat of the moment.

“Lead on”, Rafael said while pulling him in by the tie for another kiss.

That seemed to encourage Carisi, because he grabbed Rafael by his ass and pulled him tight. He kissed like no tomorrow. He circled his hips. No, not straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it. I am happy for every comment and kudos. Love loud!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The sun was heating up his body. The wind carried a taste of sea salt into his nose and the roaring ocean drowned the conversations of the other beach visitors.  
> Rafael got up into a sitting position and took off his sunglasses that had rested on his nose since they had left the hotel. He naturally searched for his missing part. "

Rafael strode his hands through the other man’s hair. He was going to make them a mess. Carisi stroked his tongue over the length of Rafael’s tongue. Rafael let his hands slide down Carisi’s neck, over his shoulders onto his chest. He first pushed away Carisi’s jacket, then his vest which was still unbuttoned. Carisi’s hands wandered under Rafael’s polo shirt.

These clothes needed to get off fast.

As if Carisi was hearing Rafael’s thoughts, he pushed his polo and undershirt up in one go.

Carisi relished the view of Rafael’s torso. His blue eyes sprinkled with lust.

 _Good boy_ , Rafael smirked, this is how a lover should look at him.

He ripped Carisi’s tie over his head and started unbuttoning his shirt while he pleasurely sucked Carisi’s bottom lip. Carisi groaned. Their breaths were fast and heavy.

Carisi let his hands stroll over Rafael’s biceps and shoulders, played with his chest hair and wandered down the line of hair on his belly until he hit the waistband.

Carisi’s hands were shaking while he clumsily undid Rafael’s belt.

Rafael was finally done with Carisi's shirt and impatiently shoved it off. Thankfully no undershirt. Rafael explored the bare skin with his hands. He bit into Carisi’s chin, licked along his jawline and placed hungry kisses down his neck and collarbone. He spent some more time at the collarbone while he undid Carisi’s belt. This man was _handsome._ Thin, but skin firm with muscles.

They both kicked off their shoes and stepped out of their trousers. As soon as they were off, Carisi pushed Rafael onto the bed.

They both took off their socks while they lied down. It was not a very sexy move to take your socks off, but Rafael could not stand socks during sex and so he was happy that Carisi did not leave his on.

Carisi wore black tight boxers that clearly outlined his erection. Rafael grabbed Carisi's firm ass which led the younger man to let out a big moan.

Rafael wore light blue boxers.

While he kissed Carisi, he felt slight embarrassment as he remembered that he had picked the blue boxers the evening before, because he had thought that in the improbable case that they would end up in bed, his boxers would match Carisi’s eyes.

Now, Rafael roughly pushed the black boxers down. Carisi’s cock sprang free.

 _God,_ he had the most beautiful penis Rafael had ever seen.

His penis was pure aesthetics.

And Carisi was already very hard, leaking precum. Rafael started to play with the precum on the head of the detective's dick. Carisi moaned and Rafael loved these sounds of passion.

Carisi slid his boxers down over his legs. This was when Rafael realized that his hands were still slightly shaking.

Rafael was a talker during sex. He liked dirty talk. To tell his lovers what to do. To spur them on.

Interestingly enough, Carisi did not talk during sex. His move seemed to be kissing. Wet. A lot of tongue. Passionate like a fool.

And he was damn good at kissing.

So Rafael gave himself into it. That pretty tongue of Carisi was very talented. It sent shivers down Rafael’s spine.

But Carisi also did his exploration of Rafael's body. He went on to nip Rafael's ear. Kissed his temple. His jaw. His neck. His shoulders. His Adam’s apple.

They were laying on the side facing each other. Rafael could see the soft trails of his own kisses on Carisi’s neck. He liked that.

Carisi started to kiss him on the lips again and moved one hand smoothly down his back into Rafael’s boxers. Long fingers gently wandered from his ass to his dick.

That was when Rafael finally took his boxers off. His hard dick sprang free. At last there was no barrier between them anymore. Rafael grabbed Carisi’s ass and pressed them tightly together to feel their prickling skin on each other. They began rubbing each other, their dicks touching between their stomachs.

A sparkling warmth began spreading in Rafael's lower stomach. He felt sweat beads rolling from his forehead. The heat of Carisi was embracing his own body.

Rafael tangled his legs around Carisi’s long limbs. Rafael pressed his nose into Sonny’s neck and took a deep smell. Heavy, manly and sweaty. Scent of sex.

Rather unromantically, Carisi spit in his hand and grabbed their two dicks together. He began to slowly thrust his hips. It was electrifying. The warmth in Rafael's belly began to spread. His body was fully energized. He could come like this. Just by rubbing himself into Carisi's heat.

As he wanted more, Rafael began slowly biting his way down Carisi’s neck and shoulders. But Carisi stopped him by catching Rafael's mouth with his lips and taking Rafael’s dick in his hand. Sanguinely, he began to stroke.

“Look at me”, Carisi said under his breath.

Rafael choose to ignore that and instead licked sweat from Carisi's neck.

He also grabbed Carisi’s penis in his hand. Carisi had a very nice size. Rafael moved his hand firmly up and down.

_So be it._

“C’mon, look at me”, Carisi pleaded again. “Let me see you.”

Rafael did not want that intimacy during sex. There is no space for romance while unwinding. But more than that, he couldn’t admit defeat. He couldn’t give the impression, he was not able to hold eye contact.

So Rafael looked up.

His green eyes melted into the blue eyes of his lover. They were ocean blue. And there was a storm in this ocean.

Rafael let his eyes trail over Carisi's face, while the warmth in his lower stomach began to spread into his dick which Carisi’s hand was still caressing. Carisi’s hair was a complete mess. Drops of sweat curled through strains of dirty blond hair. Rafael caught some sweat pearls running down Carisi's temple with his tongue. Carisi's skin was flushed pink. Rafael saw light bite marks on his neck. His lips were kiss bruised.

He looked simply gorgeous.

It was absolutely perfect.

They went on stroking and rubbing and thrusting. Rafael kept the eye contact.

A powerful act.

There was a weird feeling in Rafael's chest. He felt his organism rising, hardly, slowly. Nonetheless, determindedly he held up his gaze and stared into the blue eyes that darkened by the second.

It was like a fight.

Suddenly, Carisi came. Rafael felt the warmth in his hand, the come sprinkled all over their stomachs, and his own dick.

Carisi’s face during the orgasm was amazing. His eyes looked as if he was falling, but into pleasure. They were so deep. He let out a long groan. He kept his eyes locked with Rafael's. And Rafael’s heart was beating so hard that his chest hurt.

That Carisi allowed him watch him like this.

Rafael could not remember, if he had ever looked someone in the eyes during an orgasm. It was magnificent. But before he could start thinking too much, Carisi reaccelerated his strives. Carisi jerked Rafael off, until he could not hold his orgasm anymore.

But Rafael looked away.

He was not able to keep eye contact. He leaned in for a kiss instead.

The relief came hard. Intensive. And sucked all the energy out of him.

He came into Carisi’s hand and all over their stomachs.

Carisi deepened the kiss. Let their tongues entangle. At this point, Rafael kissed him desperately.

They slowly separated. Let go of each other and rolled on their backs.

Carisi took Rafael’s hand in his.

Rafael felt panic flicker in his chest. It was too intimate for him. But he didn’t take his hand away.

They lay like this until their breaths evened out. Rafael looked at his ceiling with no thought in his mind. Indeed, he was about to doze off.

“I will shower first”, Rafael therefore said quickly and pulled his hand away.

“Mmm”, he heard from beside him. Rafael looked in wonder to the man next to him. Carisi had his eyes closed.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep. I will hurry up.”

Rafael went into the en suite bathroom. It was also tiny like the rest of the apartment.

He looked at himself in the mirror.

His hair was drenched in sweat. He looked into his own eyes. He was relaxed and exhausted.

Rafael stepped into the shower. As quickly as his tiredness allowed, he washed their sperm away and shampooed his hair. Then he stepped out of the shower, dried himself with a towel and lastly brushed his teeth. Meanwhile, he decided to be too tired to get aspirin and water from the kitchen.

When he was done, he took another towel out of his small bathroom cabinet. There was also an unused toothbrush in it. He placed both on the washbasin, easy for Carisi to see.

Rafael went back into his bedroom, naked.

“I’m done. You can go.”

Rafael took new boxers (grey) and a black t-shirt out of his cupboard. He turned around, only to see that Carisi hadn’t moved. Rafael wore on the clothes and went closer.

Carisi was asleep.

In the same position where he had left him.

Rafael looked over his lover's naked body. He was an attractive man. Marks of kisses were still visible. He had made him a hickey above his collarbone. But if he'd wore a shirt nobody would see.

“Sonny”, it was the first time ever that Rafael called him by his name.

And _Sonny_ shrugged and opened his eyes. He looked at him confused.

“Wha’? You gonna kick me out?”

Rafael could see why Carisi would think that. But not even he was that cruel.

“No”, Rafael rolled his eyes. “Go have a shower. It’s disgusting when it dries. I also put out a toothbrush for you.”

Carisi closed his eyes dramatically. He was _annoyed,_ Rafael realized in surprise. With a deep breath Sonny lifted himself up, and did as he was told.

While Carisi went to the bathroom, Rafael took out a second pillow. The blanket was big enough.

He lay down on the bed. He chose the right side, the one close to the door and to the bathroom.

He heard the water of the shower.

Rafael took his phone in his hand. But his eyes were old. Tiredness, alcohol, dim light. For the love of life, he wouldn’t see anything.

The shower was soon turned off and he heard the sound of the toothbrush.

Rafael thought about the last time that someone slept next to him.

It must have been thirteen years ago. Or maybe more.

He didn’t like other people in pajamas or the awkwardness in the morning.

Carisi, the gentleman he is, would probably prepare breakfast. Unfortunate for him, there was nothing in the fridge.

When Carisi came out of the bathroom, naked, Rafael pretended to do something with his phone. Carisi first searched for his boxers and wore them on and then went to the living room.

 _Should he have offered him pajamas?_ Rafael didn’t really care.

Carisi came back with his phone in his hand, put it on the nightstand and lay down on the left side of the bed, the one close to the window.

“You made me a hickey”, he complained, not facing Rafael. "I'm not a teenager."

“You’ll survive”, Rafael replied simply.

Without another complaint, Carisi fished for the blanket: “Good night.”

“Good night.”

Rafael turned off the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am happy for every kudos and comment. Enjoy! Love and peace!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So…”, Sonny started again. “This was nice.”  
> Rafael nodded simply. He had his hands in his pocket.

A buzzing sound made him startle. It was too early, was all Rafael knew. He felt a headache behind his eyes. He was thirsty. And it took him a while to realize that the sound was coming from a phone.

_Sonny._

He turned around to the man next to him. His phone was ringing on the nightstand. Sonny lay on his belly. It took a while until Sonny opened his eyes and understood that his phone was ringing. He turned around to lay on his back and took the phone in his hand.

Rafael glanced on the display. It said _“Amanda”._

“Carisi”, his voice was dark and scratchy. He had his eyes closed and his other hand on his forehead. Rafael was close to him, this was why he could hear Rollins’ voice.

“Good morning!” Rollins continued without waiting for an answer: “There was a rape and murder near the precinct. Fin is already at the crime scene. Liv wants us to search for potential witnesses. Could you grab me a Vanilla Latte when you come?” Rollins talked without any punctuation. She was too awake.

“Mmm.” Sonny only hummed in response.

“And hurry up, we shouldn’t lose time”, Rollins added.

“Yeah, I’m not home actually.” Sonny’s voice was deep.

“Where are you?”, Rollins asked surprised.

“I kind of… got lucky last night.” There was a silence on the other end of the phone. Rafael could almost feel in Rollins’ place how weird that must sound for her. Rafael bit back his own laughter.

Amanda finally made some kind of woo-sound. “How was it?”, she asked.

“How late is it?”, Sonny responded, still eyes closed and hand on his forehead.

“Seven thirty.”

“Look, I went to bed like two hours ago. I'm nowhere near sobered up.”

That was true! Rafael was impressed. This was the perfect excuse for not working on a Saturday that you were not supposed to work on.

“Okay”, Rollins made the word very long. “How much time do you need?”

Sonny made an “mmm”-sound again and scratched his hair. He didn’t really try to estimate how much alcohol he had and based on this calculated how much time he would need to get the alcohol out of his system, did he?

“Like six hours of sleep should be enough.”

Rafael would need all day.

“Okay, meet me at the precinct at one o’clock then. I’ll talk to Liv.”

“Thank you.” Sonny was unusually short of words.

“And don’t forget my Vanilla Latte.”

Sonny hang up and put the phone back on the nightstand.

He sighed, turned around to Rafael, but had his eyes closed.

“Maybe I should get going.”

Now it was Rafael's turn to sigh. “You only want me to convince me that you shouldn’t.”

“I need to change before work.”

“I'm sure the whole squad already knows by now that you're going to do the Walk of Shame.”

“Mmm”, Sonny let out a small laugh.

“Go back to sleep.” Rafael closed his eyes. “And thank you for not taking the call outside. I enjoyed being woken up.”

“You’re welcome”, Sonny mumbled.

Seconds later his breath was steady.

* * *

 

When Rafael woke up the next time, the day had arrived in New York City. Instinctively, he glanced next to him. Sonny was still asleep. Lying on his belly. Naked torso. Hair pointing in every direction.

He looked peaceful.

Rafael checked his phone. It was one fifteen. He was not working for SVU anymore, so he decided not to interfere. The squad could wait for Sonny a bit.

Rafael looked over Sonny outside the window. He saw clouds in the sky.

He had a headache. But he didn’t mind. Last night was good. They simply had a good time, without expectations, without tomorrow, or yesterday.

But Rafael could not believe, they didn’t fuck. They basically just jerked off together.

Yet, it was so intense and intimate. Like Sonny.

“Are you staring at me?” Blue eyes were on him.

“No, I was staring out of the window.”

Sonny had red rings around his eyes. His voice scratchy. He looked at his phone and cursed.

“I will finally get out of here. Anything I can do for you before I leave?”

_So polite._

Rafael lifted the blanket and looked at his dick. He had woken up with a boner and was still half-hard. He turned his head to Sonny with one brow lifted. Sonny smiled and pushed himself on top of him.

Rafael loved the heat of Sonny’s body.

Rafael smelled his own shampoo on him. They pressed their lips together. Sonny was hard in no time, ready to please. He gently sucked Rafael’s lower lip while Rafael rested one hand on Sonny's lower back and the other one on his ass.

At least, Rafael wanted to get a taste of that beautiful dick.

But the stupid phone rang again.

“Ignore it”, Rafael ordered and bit in Sonny’s ear lobe.

“If it’s Liv, I have to pick up.” He stretched himself for the phone. Rafael saw “ _Lieu. Benson_ ” on the display.

 _Damn it_.

Sonny got up and answered while searching for his clothes in the room.

“Good morning, Liv. I'm sorry, I had a bit too much to drink yesterday… No, no, I am fine now. I’m coming… Yeah, thanks… Yes, I'm hurrying up… Like half an hour… Thanks for being so understanding… Okay, I will, yes. Bye.” Sonny hang up and turned to Rafael. “She said she couldn’t need me drunk anyways.”

Sonny took his boxers off. “They can wait a bit more.” He snapped the blanket away from Rafael.

“Good boy”, Rafael purred when Sonny lay down on top of him.

Sonny kissed along Rafael’s jaw and Rafael fumbled between their bodies to push down his own boxers. Sonny helped him, shifting his weight on him. Their erections were painfully pressed together. After the boxers were off, Sonny pushed up Rafael’s t-shirt and worshiped his chest. Sonny’s tongue twirled around Rafael's nipple, so that Rafael's cock twitched. Sonny went on to the other nipple and bit gently. The sensation made Rafael's dick prickle.

Rafael pulled Sonny in for a kiss. Sonny began to grind his hips, rubbing their dicks between their stomachs and Rafael threw his legs around Sonny’s waist.

They kissed deep and impatiently. With a lot of tongue.

The phone rang again.

Sonny accelerated his movements. Rafael grabbed Sonny’s ass firmly and pushed them closer together. Sonny’s moans indicated he was pushing himself to come fast. Rafael, too, felt his own orgasm rising.

Sonny broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Rafael’s.

These lustful blue eyes drowned in his green ones. Rafael’s heart started to beat painfully. A weird feeling swelled in his chest.

He felt Sonny’s dick twitch between their stomachs. Skin rubbing against each other, it nearly hurt. And turned him on at the same time. He felt heat in his lower stomach. All this time, Sonny’s intense eyes were locked with his. Rafael felt the sweat between their foreheads.

Sonny’s smell made his head swim. His skin burned on his. Heat came through his cock.

Rafael closed his eyes and came. It was a rushed orgasm, but he heard the phone ringing again in the distance.

“Open your eyes”, Sonny whispered. Rafael did not. By grabbing Sonny’s ass tight, he encouraged him to keep thrusting. Then he felt Sonny’s warm come spread on his stomach.

Sonny was breathing heavily. He slowly got up. His body was flushed red.

He looked fantastic like this.

But destroying any moment of post-coital ease, the damn phone buzzed again and this time Sonny answered.

“Hey Amanda… Yeah, I was… _preoccupied.”_ Rafael smirked, before he got up to quickly sneak under the shower and washed the sperm off. It just took a minute.

When he returned to the bedroom, Sonny disappeared into the bathroom without saying a word.

So Rafael went on to wear on some sweatpants and then went to the kitchen to make coffee. He shortly considered preparing espresso. _Would that be racist?_

Rafael filled two glasses of water. He put one aspirin in his own and two aspirin in Sonny’s. After all, the man had to work with this hangover. Rafael waited in the kitchen with his hands in his pockets, while the coffee steeped in the French press.

Sonny entered the kitchen several minutes later, fully dressed and ready to go to work. _That was quick_. Apparently, he had found Rafael’s hair product and used too much of it. He hadn’t shaved though. Rafael liked him with a few stubbles. Distantly, he wondered if Sonny had used his cologne. He handed him the glass.

“Do you want coffee?” Rafael already turned to the hallway, when he asked.

“Nah, I will grab some breakfast on the way”, Sonny said and poured down the aspirin-water mixture.

 _“So…”,_ Sonny started. Rafael stood at the kitchen door and raised his brow. Sonny understood: “Oh, you gonna walk me out. That’s… classy.”

Rafael pouted in response.

They walked to the door together.

“So…”, Sonny started again. “This was nice.”

Rafael nodded simply. He had his hands in his pocket still.

“So…” Sonny wringed his hands. “You wanna do it again, sometime?” His tone was extra-casual. But Rafael heard the hope in his voice loud and clear.

Rafael wanted him to fuck him.

“Yeah, we can." Rafael shrugged his shoulders. "But I don’t want you to get a wrong impression. It was just a nice night”, Rafael explained matter-of-factly.

“Hey, it’s fine. We had a good time. Let’s just see what happens”, Sonny smiled.

Rafael could the honesty in the other man’s face. Sonny hadn’t lied. _That sounded good actually_.

“That sounds good”, Rafael said looking at Sonny with his viridian eyes, a smirk on his lips.

Sonny in turn did his best to suppress his own smile, but giving himself away all the same. Sonny was happy.

“Will you lend me some sunglasses then? I’ll give them back to you next time.”

Rafael wrinkled his brows. “Well, I guess that is the benefit of sleeping with men.” Sonny shrugged his shoulders.

Rafael went back into the bedroom and opened a drawer which contained around twenty pairs of sunglasses. He searched out a pair that he found suited Sonny the most.

“Thanks”, Sonny said when he gave them to him.

“Bye then. Keep in touch.” He made a gesture suggesting texting.

“Bye”, Rafael said simply.

Sonny opened the door, stepped outside and started to close the door behind him. He stopped the motion halfway and his face reappeared behind the door. He leaned forward and gave Rafael a gentle kiss on the lip. A goodbye kiss.

“That’s also classy”, Rafael commented.

And with a fond smile Sonny was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy it. I'm happy for every comment and kudos. Spread love!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rafael started to wonder if it was all some kind of tactic. That they did not really have sex and that he didn’t contact him now. Sonny was trying to drive him crazy."

It was Thursday evening. Rafael had returned from Brooklyn where he had visited his mother. There were leftovers in a plastic bag.

He wanted to sit on his balcony but it had started to rain. _This sets the mood,_  Rafael thought.

He took off his shoes too hard and changed too fast into his comfortable clothes. There was a tiny amount of aggression inside of him.

He went into the living room knowing that he was not in the mood for reading. And he hated watching TV. He was also not going to browse the internet in search for a new job.

He went into the kitchen. He took juice out of the fridge, closed the door and looked out of his little kitchen window. He saw nothing.

He put the juice back into the fridge. Rafael hated himself for this.

He _wanted_ him.

Rafael had figured that he would be busy with the case on Saturday, would go to Staten Island on Sunday. Then again, there would be a lot of work with the new case on Monday and maybe Tuesday, so until Wednesday he could have called him. Or texted him. Apparently, this is what you do these days when you see someone you have slept with again.

Rafael had thought about the last time he had seen someone he had sex with a second time. It had been about eight years ago. He remembered two terrible dinners.

It bugged Rafael.

Carisi was supposed to worship him like he did when he used to annoy him at work. Rafael’s only reason to take the subway to Brooklyn this morning and spend all day shopping with his mother was to distract him.

Rafael started to wonder, if it was all some kind of tactic. That they hadn't fucked and that he didn’t contact him now. Sonny was trying to drive him crazy.

And it worked.

Because you'd expect Sonny Carisi to be eager and to make the first call, being a bit too romantic. Especially when his interest was Rafael Barba of all persons.

Then again, a tactic to reach what goal?

Sonny Carisi was not that kind of person who played games. He was a genuine person.

Rafael was angry that it affected him so much. Rafael didn't usually date, he definitely didn't do romance and he didn't fall for stupid mind games.

Rafael hit his fist at the fridge. Not hard. But he didn’t like it.

He was going to text Sonny.

At least, he could come up with something more eloquent than [ _Hey]_ , Rafael thought. He went into the hallway and took his phone out of his jacket.

He just stared at it. He felt old. He had given up dating a long time ago. During "his days", people had actually called.

Rafael went into the living room and took an old wooden chair, put it in front of the big window which was behind his balcony. He briefly considered Scotch, but he was able to write a damn text message without a burn in his throat.

He put his feed on the window-sill. It had been such a nice night with Sonny last Saturday, drinking, having falafel, talking. Why couldn’t they have left it at that? They did not have to end up in bed together.

 _It wouldn't have been right_ , Rafael thought.

_Calm down._

He opened up the text feed with “ _Det. Carisi_ ” and typed [ _Hello]_. He deleted it directly.

 _Think rationally_.

The usual way to start conversations is to ask “How are you?”. But Rafael didn't care how Sonny was. He would just answer “I'm fine”, an answer which has no content at all and Sonny would ask him how he was back and Rafael would give the same empty answer and after that he would be left with the same problem of not knowing what to say. Or text.

Neither Rafael or Sonny cared for a meaningless “How are you?”.

_Okay, Rafael Barba, what do you want?_

_His dick_.

And the only thing that seemed to be in the way was that this new case demanded all of Carisi’s attention.

Rafael was already going to do the mistake that was Detective Carisi, so why not cut straight to the point.

   R: _Busy with the case?_

Rafael had already hit the sent-button when he started to worry that Sonny would take his time to answer. But Sonny did not disappoint him and the answer came soon.

   S: _Yeah, tough one. Working late all week_  
   S: _How r u?_  
   R: _I'm unemployed. I do nothing_  
   S: _Right_  
   S: _Not jealous though_

Sonny did not do him the favor of asking more questions. He wanted sex, but Rafael Barba does not ask for sex. Sonny was supposed to ask.

   R: _You still have my sunglasses_  
   S: _Right_

Rafael hated it. Sonny was teasing him. How could he have walk into that trap?

   R: _Don’t wait too long to return them_  
   S: _Just say u wanna c me_  
   R: _I have lots of sunglasses_  
   S: _Good for u_

Carisi with backbone. Rafael loved it. His green eyes lit up. And hated it. He was not supposed to be the one to ask.

   R: _Come over when you are done for the day_  
   S: _There is so much paperwork, maybe tmw_  
   R: _It was not a question._

It took a while but finally he answered.

   S: _Around 10_

Rafael smiled dirtily at the phone and gave no response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will just keep writing down what's in my head. Hope you all have a good time. Spread love, everybody!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rafael had already drunk one glass of Scotch. He had selected an Isle of Jura Scotch named “Destiny”. A slightly peated one with a spicy finish. Before taking the first sip, he had put his hand over the glass for half a minute to increase the scent of whiskey. He moved his nose over the glass and took a deep breath. When he took in the smell of pine barks, sprays of sea and cinnamon spice, Rafael imagined the roughness of the lonely Isle of Jura where this whiskey was distilled."

It was ten thirty when the doorbell rang. Rafael buzzed him in.

He had spent the evening cleaning up his apartment. He had taken a shower, shaved, put on his exclusive cologne. He was wearing camel brown trousers and a steel blue polo t-shirt. Rafael knows how busy new cases are. Probably, Carisi would come straight from work. In a suit. In any case, Rafael couldn’t effort to look worse than him.

Rafael had already drunk one glass of Scotch. He had selected an Isle of Jura Scotch named “Destiny”. A slightly peated one with a spicy finish. Before taking the first sip, he had put his hand over the glass for half a minute in order to increase the scent of whiskey. He had moved his nose over the glass and had taken a deep breath. When he had smelled the fragrance of pine barks, sprays of sea and cinnamon spice, Rafael had imagined the roughness of the lonely Isle of Jura where this whiskey is distilled.

Rafael waited at the door for Sonny. As expected, Sonny was still in his suit. A black one with a narrow black tie and a white shirt. It was surprising that Sonny managed to not look like the president’s bodyguard in it. That Staten Island tailor does a very well job fitting these suits around his thin, long form and his tiny ass.

“Good evening”, Sonny said with a withering voice but smiled at Rafael in amusement for checking him out before he had even entered the apartment.

“Hi”, Rafael responded straight-faced and looked into his blue eyes.

Sonny looked tired again, the wrinkles around his eyes seemed deeper than usual. His tie was already loosened. He had a six-pack of beer in his hands. It hadn’t come to Rafael’s mind that he could be nice enough to buy beer for him. But yet again, Rafael didn’t like beer. If Sonny wouldn't drink them all, Rafael would not drink the remaining ones.

“I see you fixed yourself up with alcohol”, Rafael said when Sonny walked past him into the living room.

“Yeah”, Sonny said with a shy smile. “Your Scotch did a number on me the other night.”

“I guess the squad didn't really cut you some slack either.”

“Of course not”, Sonny rolled his eyes. “And the case's really nerve racking.”

To Rafael’s absolute delight, Sonny ran a hand in his hair and scratched his head. As a result, his hair was all over the place.

“But let’s not talk about work, right?”, Rafael said with his whispering voice.

“No”, Sonny shook his head affirmatively. 

“Do you want to sit on the balcony?”, Rafael asked. The weather was especially warm on this night in early May.

“Would be great”, Sonny took off his suit jacket and placed it over a chair.

Rafael turned to get his drink.

_Wait._

Did he just suggest to _sit on the balcony_? He has no interest in chatting with him.

Rafael spun around on the spot and pulled his detective by the collar in for a searing kiss. Sonny didn’t seem to mind for even one second. He eagerly grabbed Rafael’s jaw and kissed him back hungrily.

Rafael wasted no time and started to unbutton Sonny’s shirt.

He would take charge now.

Sonny planted kisses onto his jaw line but Rafael stopped the motion when he pushed the tie over his head. The shirt was now unbuttoned by now. Rafael pulled him by the collar into his bedroom.

He didn't like to kneel on the hard floor and besides, the supplies were in his night stand.

While he walked backwards dragging Sonny with him, he looked into his deep, blue eyes.

That’s Sonny’s thing, after all. Intimate eye contact. He can do that, too.

And Sonny looked almost desperate.

“Do you want me?”, Rafael said in a very low voice.

Sonny swallowed hard. He nodded.

“Say it.”

“I… want… you.” Sonny was breathing very heavily. Rafael felt Sonny’s erection at his hip.  
When they arrived in the bedroom, Rafael turned on the lights without breaking the eye contact.

He buried one hand in Sonny’s hair and pulled a bit, so that their lips were only inches apart.

“Again.”

“I want you so much, Rafael”, Sonny whispered.

Rafael smirked. He loosened his grip and slid his hand down Sonny’s neck.

“Good boy”, Rafael purred. But instead of pecking Sonny'slips, he slowly positioned little bites down his neck. He had enjoyed before to see little bite marks on Sonny’s pale skin. Rafael took a bit more time to caress Sonny’s collarbones where he had left the hickey last time, by accident. Last time by accident.

He pushed off the shirt and shoved Sonny onto the bed. Rafael quickly took off his own shirt and undershirt and undid his own belt. Sonny took off his shoes and socks and so did Rafael.

Finally, Rafael climbed on top off Sonny and continued with his exploration. He gently bit Sonny’s nipples and circled them with his tongue. They were small and firm. And Sonny squirmed delightfully. Heat was oozing from his lover's body and Rafael felt his own prick pulsing.

He started to undo Sonny’s belt when he noticed the other man’s body slightly shivering. Rafael looked up, Sonny was breathing in staccato.

 _He was nervous_ , Rafael realized.

Rafael undid the zipper and shoved the pants over the long legs. He should take his time with those legs, but first Rafael wanted to get a taste of that beautiful dick. Sonny’s black, tight boxers were already tented.

Rafael slid his hands along Sonny’s thighs and brushed his lips over the boner in the underpants.

Rafael loved Sonny’s reactions. How he moaned and groaned and breathed. How Sonny enjoyed the little moments during sex.

He was too good.

In one fast motion, Rafael ripped down the boxers and Sonny’s cock sprang free. He was so hard.

Hastily, the boxers were pushed down to the ankles, so that Rafael could place himself between Sonny’s legs.

First, Rafael licked along Sonny’s thighs. Then, with the top of his tongue, Rafael licked around his balls. He felt Sonny tensing underneath him. His cock was so hard. With the length of his tongue, Rafael tasted Sonny’s shaft. This was such a beautiful penis. And he tasted delicious.

Rafael used a hand to strive Sonny’s big cock while he sucked the head with his lips.

Finally slowly, painfully slowly, he took his cock in his mouth.

Sonny seemed to be totally lost.

Slowly, painfully slowly accelerating, Rafael began to bop his head up and down, taking Sonny’s size in his mouth. Sonny’s breath was getting faster. Rafael’s own neglected cock began to prickle.

“Look at me”, Sonny whimpered. With a mouthfull of cock, Rafael shook his head.

“Come on.”

Rafael ignored it. Sonny has had his eye contact. That had been enough.

He felt Sonny’s hand in his hair.

“I said look at me.”

Rafael felt precum in his pants. He had nearly come. From this sheer confidence.

Half in surprise, he looked up and his green eyes met with Sonny's blue ones. Rafael needed to regain control. He slowly took Sonny’s cock in deep. His throat wrapped around the head.

Suddenly, he saw a storm swelling in these blue eyes. And just like that Sonny came.

Sonny came with a long groan and a lot of come. Rafael must have slightly misread the situation about how close Sonny was. Nonetheless, Rafael admitted that the orgasm suited the heat of the moment.

He caught as much sperm as he could, but it was too much. Some was still leaking from the dick in his mouth.

Without breaking eye contact, Rafael thoroughly licked the come off Sonny’s penis. After he was done, he pushed himself up and slowly approached Sonny’s lips. He saw some surprise in Sonny’s eyes. They stared at each other intensively for a long moment.

Rafael started to hear his own heartbeat in his head.

He kissed Sonny deeply. Pushed his tongue together with the other man’s sperm deep into his mouth. Rafael perceived this as Sonny’s reward for being such a good kisser.

If his lover was that talented with his tongue, he needed to take advantage of that. Give him a challenge.

Sonny did not disappoint him and pulled him close by the back of his neck. Sonny kissed him like he would never kiss ever again and Rafael tasted Sonny’s cum everywhere in his mouth.

Sonny’s hand wandered down Rafael’s pants. He began touching Rafael’s penis, stroking him.

Rafael was trying to find the right words in his head aiming to order him not to give him a lame hand job. But he was not able to think straight due to Sonny’s kiss. His tongue twirled around Rafael’s as if he would lick his cock.

Rafael’s head swam.

That was when Sonny broke the kiss. He licked his lips and swallowed. So did Rafael.

Without much ado, Sonny went down to his crotch. He gently pulled off Rafael’s pants and boxers (grey).

Once again, Rafael acknowledged how Sonny’s hands were slightly shaking. Him being nervous was starting to become nearly sweet.

Without further caressing, Sonny took Rafael’s dick in his mouth. He narrowed his lips and thrusted up and down.

Immediately, a heat broke out inside of Rafael. This pretty mouth sucked his dick like no tomorrow.

Sonny started to use his hand for help.

Rafael quickly felt that heat in his crotch rising into his dick. His orgasm approached fast.

That deep kissing had aroused Rafael extremely. Sonny’s orgasm had also been very intense. Hence, this was not the time to make it longer.

Rafael felt Sonny’s eyes on him when he came. The orgasm was fast and strong. Rafael relished every second of it.

When he noted Sonny lifting his head, Rafael looked down to him.

Sonny’s lips were pressed together, he looked at him with a question. So Rafael pulled him by the shoulder into the kiss.

He tasted himself on Sonny’s tongue.

This man kissed like a fool. It was gorgeous.

He broke the kiss before he would get lost in it. They were both breathing rather heavily. Sonny's lay on top of him and Rafael licked some sweat from Sonny’s temple. Sweet and salty.

Sonny rested his forehead on Rafael’s. He felt Sonny’s weight on him, their chests were pressed together. Sonny’s heat felt good on his skin. Rafael had his eyes closed and enjoyed Sonny’s scent. He smelled like sex.

This weird feeling crawled into his chest again.

So Rafael pulled away fast. “I will shower”, he announced.

Without another word, Rafael went into the bathroom. He looked into his green eyes in the mirror. He felt good.

This time, there was no sperm on him but he washed away the saliva mess in the shower.

When he got out, he quickly brushed his teeth. He took Sonny’s toothbrush from last time out of the cabin and placed it in plain sight. He took the towel that Sonny used last time from the double hook where it was hanging next to his since the weekend and placed it on the sink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, this has no goal, I will just keep going as long you are reading. I am happy for every kudos and comment. Love loud!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Conversations are easier before than after sex."

The six pack of beers still rested on the chair where Sonny had hanged his suit jacket. Rafael picked up the beer, placed five bottles in the fridge and one in the freezer. He poured himself a glass of water. After finishing it, he refilled the same glass for Sonny.

He poured himself another Scotch. He looked at the bottle. “Destiny”. He liked Jura Whiskey but he didn’t like that it came in such modern, woman-shaped bottles. He prefered a classic old school Scotch bottle.

After a while, Sonny came into the kitchen. Bare foot, no tie, first two buttons of the shirt open. Rafael wondered again if he should offer him pajamas. Not that Rafael’s pajamas would fit him. He himself had put on some sweatpants. It was his house after all. Nonetheless, he had chosen a pair of very nice sweatpants. They had been expensive actually.

Sonny had also washed his hair. And found Rafael’s comb apparently. Sonny made himself comfortable easily. Rafael gave him the water which Sonny poured down in one go.

“Your beer got a bit warm, I put one in the freezer.” Rafael said so and took out the beer in the freezer. “A few minutes don’t do any magic but it is at least bit colder.”

“Thanks”, Sonny took the beer and without a word, they went to the balcony.

Conversations are easier before than after sex.

They were sitting on the couch, looking at walls. Rafael glanced over to Sonny who was staring into nothingness, seemingly lost in thoughts. Rafael took a sip of his Scotch and welcomed the burn.

Silence came easily.

They were not teenagers, Rafael thought. They could talk about anything. But if they did not want to talk about work, what should they talk about?

“Summer comes early this year”, Sonny said drinking his beer in long gulps. _The weather. Lovely._ “It’s a really nice evening. You're lucky to have this balcony.”

“It’s a shoebox”, Rafael replied.

“It’s a balcony." Sonny smiled at him. And Rafael thought that it was a nice smile.

They heard the sounds of New York City from the distance. Sonny settled back and put his feed on the banister. Their shoulders were touching.

Rafael realized that the occasional closeness they had shared in times when they had used to stand in front of bloody crime scene photos or watch an interrogation or stand in the elevator, was now gone. It was not the same anymore. The playful enjoyment of casually smelling the other man’s scent was gone. Here and now, Rafael could slightly tilt his head and it would rest on Sonny’s shoulder. Sonny’s hair smelled like his shampoo.

It was different now.

But as they didn’t work together anymore, it didn’t matter anyway.

“I have a question”, Sonny announced.

“Mmm”, Rafael hummed in response. Sonny had torn him out of his thoughts.

“I have two questions actually”, Sonny looked at him askingly.

Rafael shrugged his shoulders. “You can ask me anything”, he answered organically.

“Did you plan on getting me into bed the other night?”

He was a detective after all. He was clever.

Rafael pouted in response all the same.

“Cause if that was flirting. It was crappy”, Sonny told him.

Rafael knew Sonny was teasing him by saying this. And he hated to admit to feel somewhat ashamed.

“What can I say? It worked. So either it was good if not genius or you're easy to get”, Rafael shot at him.

“It’s neither, Rafael”, Sonny responded simply. “Come on, tell me. What was your plan?”

Rafael breathed in as dramatically as he could. The truth was the best, so he guessed: “I didn't plan anything.”

“So?”, Sonny sat up.

“So what?”

“Come one, don’t tell me you ask me out for drinks without any prospects!”, Sonny waved his hand in an unnecessary and untelling gesture.

“Why not?”, Rafael asked rather annoyed.

“Cause you're not that nice.”

 _Good point_.

“I had no plan, Carisi”, Rafael said calmly.

“You don’t know how to have no plan and don’t call me that anymore.”

“I'm Cuban. I come from hot blooded people who use their heart more than their head. I can do things plan less." Rafael pouted again.

And Sonny laughed out loud.

Rafael gave a snark in return: “What? Do you think Italians have the monopole on acting before thinking?”

Now Sonny was laughing even more.

“No. But Rafael Barba doesn't do things without thinking.”

He knew him well.

Rafael rolled his eyes. The truth is the best: “My plan was to get you into bed in case you weren't straight.”

“You really thought I was straight?”

“Everyone thinks that.”

“You're not everyone.”

Rafael sighed: “Yes, Carisi. I really thought you were straight.”

“Don’t call me that. How were you gonna find out whether I was straight or not?”

Rafael gave him his best annoyance look. “I didn't know.”

“Oh Rafael”, Sonny purred and _god,_ he loved it.

“What?”

“Please tell me.”

“You're annoying.”

“Please.”

“And stubborn…” Rafael folded his arms in front of his chest. “But there's nothing I could tell you. I was just going to see what happens.”

Sonny considered him for a long moment. He knew Rafael said the truth and it disappointed him.

Rafael poured down his Scotch.

“Let me get you another one.” Sonny did not even try to not touch his fingers when he took the glass out of his hand.

Sonny came back with a new Scotch and a new beer. He sat down next to Rafael and did not try to keep distance. It was unnecessary to do so anyway.

“Okay, my second question”, Sonny said with his over the top-energy.

“You already asked more than one.” Rafael had hoped that the topic was closed.

“You said I could ask you anything.”

“Yes, but I didn’t say I would answer anything.”

“Okay, I will make it a complaint then.”

Rafael drew his brows together in a shocked question.

“You made me a hickey again”, Sonny complained.

Rafael just looked at him trying to tell him with his look that he didn't take him seriously. He shook his head and looked away as dramatically as he could.

“Is it like your move?”, Sonny asked with his thick accent.

“And I thought you were annoying at work”, Rafael said evasively.

“We're not sixteen." Sonny gestured to undermine his point.

“It suits you." Rafael just said the plane truth in order to make Sonny stop talking.

“What?” Sonny was surprised.

Rafael looked him in the eye. “I like it on you.”

Slowly, after a moment of bewilderment, Sonny smiled shyly. And never ever complained again when Rafael made him a mark.

They sat back and put their feed on the banister. It was a really warm night. And Sonny rolled up his sleeves in a long process. Rafael openly watched until Sonny had exposed his forearms.

He wanted him to bang his brains out right on this balcony.

“Okay, it’s my turn to ask stupid questions”, Rafael said.

“They weren't stupid questions”, Sonny replied.

“When was the last time you've been with a man?”

Now Sonny flushed. Fast and dark. Rafael was pleased to see that he had reached his goal of embarrassing Sonny.

“Don’t try to tell me I was that bad”, Sonny whined.

Rafael smirked: “No. Not all actually. I just wondered.”

Sonny’s face lit up at the little compliment Rafael had given him.

“Like three or four years maybe”, he answered.

“Really?”

“I did have sex during this time.” Now Sonny rolled his eyes. “Just not with men.”

“Why not?” Rafael genuinely wondered.

Sonny shrugged his shoulder: “There was no candidate.”

It was almost charming that Rafael should feel special because of this.

They drank in silence for a while.

“Does anyone know?”

“There was this guy that I dated for a while in high school. Bella knows about him”, Sonny told. “And Gina knows about a guy I dated a few years later. So I guess my sisters know.”

“High school, that’s early”, Rafael commented. He had not been with a man until his late years at the university. “Not bad.”

“Actually, it was terrible”, Sonny laughed. “Catholic High School, nearly twenty years ago. It was a disaster. We were so afraid anyone would know. And I mean, I was troubled figuring it all out. If it means I’m gay and with the church an’ all. But he was strictly going mad about all this. I never even got to see his penis.”

They both chuckled.

“So when did you first have sex with a man?”, Rafael asked.

Silence was the answer.

Rafael glanced at him. Sonny’s cheeks had flushed dark red.

Suddenly Rafael understood. The nervousness, the stuttering in his bedroom last week... He gave him a soft look.

Sonny had never had sex with a man.

Now Rafael felt bad: “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to embarrass you.”

“It’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of”, Sonny said. And Rafael loved his self-confidence. “It’s just… It never lasted long with men. And it was always a mess. I always managed to pick guilt tripped Catholics, so it just never… happened." Sonny gave him a shy smile. Rafael smiled back.

It was a sweet moment.

Nevertheless Rafael felt a sort of panic in his chest.

“You have a bad taste in men”, Rafael said to him half-honestly.

“Definitively”, Sonny agreed with him, obviously teasing him.

“You tell me if you want to do something”, Rafael said to Sonny. He nodded in response.

And Rafael hoped that this would be the end of this conversation.

They were sitting and drinking in silence for a bit.

“Does anyone know about you?”, Sonny asked.

“It's not exactly a secret, but it’s my private life. I don’t date, so as it happens mostly in the bedroom, nobody needs to know”, Rafael replied without looking at him.

“This is why I never told my mom and dad. There was never someone special so I didn't want to upset them." Sonny sounded sad. “Isn't it hypocrite?”

Rafael sighed inside. He did not in any way want to discuss the ethics of integrity with him.

Rafael closed his eyes.

In front of his inner eye, Félix appeared. Félix was a senior at Rafael’s high school who lived in his building. When Rafael had been about fifteen, he had watched a shirtless Félix carrying heavy stuff into a truck on one hot summer day. Rafael’s father had caught him staring. His father had not said one word.

This day had been the second time in his life, that his father had broken one of Rafael’s rips.

Rafael opened his eyes again.

“Nobody should make you feel ashamed about the way you are." Rafael went for the plain truth once more. “But yet again, it's your private life. You don’t have a duty to share it with anyone.”

Sonny thought about his words silently and nodded after a while.

“Now get me a refill”, Rafael said holding out his empty glass to Sonny who jumped up and brought them both a new drink.

They both enjoyed two more drinks and an easier conversation. They talked about the summer and summer holidays. Sonny told Rafael how Fin will take his grandson on a fishing trip. They both laughed at the image. But Rafael had to silently admit that he would not be able to take care of a young child all on his own, not even for the time of a daily fishing trip.

Sonny’s hair dried slowly and therefore fell onto his forehead.

“I need a haircut”, Sonny said incidentally.

Rafael had so many suggestions. But he did not say anything.

After Sonny had finished his fourth beer, he took a look at his phone. Rafael caught the clock on the display. It was nearly one.

“I have to go”, Sonny announced. “I need to be at Rikers tomorrow at eight.”

 _The poor man_. Rafael calculated in his head that he would get around four hours of sleep. If he would stay, he could sleep five or six hours.

“I am so tired”, Sonny said. “You should come to my place next time. I need sleep.”

 _Next time_.

“Is this where you want me to convince you to stay?”, Rafael commented.

“I have to shave and to change before work.”

“You did the Walk of Shame before, you can handle”, Rafael replied.

Sonny looked into his green eyes with a serious expression: “If you want me to stay you can just say so.”

It was a very stupid thing, but a sentence like this would never come over Rafael’s lips.

“I don’t want you to get a wrong impression”, Rafael told him. “We hang out and have some good time in bed. No strings attached. This isn't a thing that we have.”

Sonny gave him a small smile. “You don’t think I can do casual”, he concluded.

 _It's hot to date a detective_ , Rafael thought randomly.

“Did you ever do casual before?”, Rafael asked him.

“No." Sonny pouted. “But it’s fine. It really is. We don’t need to label it. Just be honest and see where it goes, that’s all I ask.”

 _It goes nowhere_ , Rafael thought but he nodded simply.

“So…”, Sonny purred. “You want me to stay?”

No, Rafael was not going to let him win this one.

“I don't appreciate your alarm clock at some ungodly hour, but I'm also not so cruel to rob you off your precious sleep. You're a grown man. So do what you want.” Rafael did not look at him.

After a while he heard Sonny saying: “Okay, I’m going to sleep then. But don't expect any more naked time today.”

Rafael did not say anything. He was tired, too, actually. Nevertheless, he avoided going to bed together with Sonny. He spent another fifteen minutes on the balcony looking at the brick walls of his neighbor’s house. He could taste the Scotch on his tongue. It was a heavy taste. He could also still taste Sonny on his tongue.

In general, he felt good.

* * *

 

Next morning, Sonny’s alarm woke him up.

Half asleep he followed Sonny’s noises as the other man went into the bathroom. When he came back into the bedroom for getting dressed, Rafael pushed the blanket away and also got up.

Sonny looked at him in surprise. Too much hair jelly again. And apparently, he had found a second razor blade because he was freshly shaved.

“If you were trying to make me coffee, you really don’t have to”, Sonny said.

Rafael did not answer. Just shook his head. He was not even close to being nice enough to get up early to make coffee for a conquest.

“Ah, you will walk me out, okay…”, Sonny said when Rafael gestured with his head in the direction of the entrance door, too tired to talk at this hour.

In front of the door, Sonny rewarded him with a warm smile: “It was nice.”

“It was”, Rafael said honestly.

Sonny leaned down and gave him a kiss on the lips. He gently touched Rafael’s cheeks.

And without another word, Sonny was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoy, I enjoy. Appreciate every comment and kudo. Love & Peace!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex, Scotch, Sonny

And so they went on.

They met at Sonny’s place next time. His apartment was really a shoebox. He lived near Prospect Park in Brooklyn, in the middle of 16th Manhattan Precinct and Staten Island. Rafael was surprised that Sonny’s place was clean and organized. It was very simple and obviously the kitchen was the place which was used the most.

Sonny had even bought him Scotch. Glenfiddich Vintage Cask Peated. It is a very common one but Rafael realized that Sonny had chosen a Single Malt over a Blended. And he had chosen a smoky taste just like Rafael liked it.

His detective must have done some research.

On the nightstand, Rafael had found the sunglasses that he had lent to Sonny when he was hungover after their first night.

Without saying a word, Rafael left them where they were.

Sonny had also appointed a towel and a toothbrush to him. A couple of times, when he stayed at Sonny’s place on a Saturday, Sonny had made him breakfast the next morning, only dressed in his boxers.

Sonny had swirled around in his little kitchen wearing nothing else than tight black boxers.

This was the only reason why Rafael kept wearing blue underwear or t-shirts so that they would match Sonny’s eyes.

Sonny had also offered him one of his old t-shirts which Rafael would wear during sleep. He was an old man. He would get cold when he slept only in his boxers like Sonny did.

The routine was always the same: They met after dinner. Spent the night. Scotch. Beer. The warm summer breeze on Rafael’s balcony or Sonny’s wide open windows.

It was cheesy to confess but this summer of 2018 in New York City was like magic to Rafael.

He felt good. Sex, Scotch, Sonny. It cleared his mind.

With drinks in their hands, they talked about Catholic School and their mothers’ church friends. They talked a lot about cooking and food. And they talked at length about _The Godfather_ for some reason.

They gossiped about old lovers, women and men.

It turned out Sonny was not as inexperienced as Rafael thought. While being a total gentleman, Sonny seemed to not waste any opportunity. Rafael liked that about him.

Sometimes he found himself imagining meeting him in an alternative scenario. He would have been all over him.

Rafael kept implying that Sonny should feel special because Rafael usually kept his relationships strictly physical. No drinks, no after-talk, no second time.

“This isn't as much of a compliment as you intend”, Sonny scowled.

Rafael knew Sonny didn’t like it when he brought up the casualty of their arrangement, this was why he kept mentioning it.

“I don’t intend to compliment you”, Rafael replied.

“Don’t be too arrogant, Rafael, I can deprive you of the Carisi-loving”, Sonny warned him.

Rafael kept calling him Sonny. Even though he still found that nickname extremely ridiculous.

Well, it was his name.

Likewise, Rafael got better with the eye contact during sex. He was still not comfortable with the intimacy it produced. And he still felt panic crawling up his chest by its intensity. But he could not help loving it. It was pure voyeurism. Watching how he could make his lover squirm. Allowing him to watch.

One of the advantages that came with keeping on hooking up with him was the familiarity. One day, Sonny had arrived in his apartment after a long day of work. All Rafael had done was to put a hand on Sonny’s fly and suck his bottom lip. He gently kept biting and licking and sucking his bottom lip while feeling Sonny’s erection grow under his flat hand.

Rafael still didn’t work except for the one time he helped one of Mami’s church friend’s niece with a DUI. Rafael had felt like a king when he had collected the 1K for this incredible boring case.

He had loved his work so much. The law was his spouse. He had especially loved working with SVU.

But with his young, handsome lover next to him, Rafael did not miss a thing.

This summer was almost unreal.

It was not going to last. Rafael knew that.

The largest problem was that Rafael knew he liked Sonny too much. He did not even try to deny. He hadn’t felt like this since Yelina probably. Or Alex maybe.

He even knew the moment it had happened.

It had been this first night of May, when Sonny had been so charming on his balcony. When he had looked him in the eyes during intimacy.

Rafael didn't develop feelings. This was the way to avoid heartbreak, inevitable hurt. It would end bad that he felt too much for Sonny.

So Rafael’s plan was to enjoy the time with him and break it off before they would get in too deep. _It would probably end with the summer_ , he thought. When they could not spend their evenings drinking at open windows or on balconies anymore.

Rafael would cherish every single moment of that summer.

And help him god, he did. This was why he did not wait around much for Sonny with the sex. In contrary to what he had said.

It was the first week of June in Rafael’s bed after Sonny had given him a very nice blow job.

“Let me show you”, Rafael had whispered and fished the lube out of the nightstand. He had spread some lube over two fingers.

Rafael had looked into his beloved blue eyes and studied the young man’s face. The thought of fucking him, turned him on more and more each time they saw each other.

Sonny had looked calm. Excited. Maybe a bit nervous. But he did not say anything. Rafael knew well enough that the absence of a “no” did not mean consent. But he also knew Sonny well enough that he would object if he’d do something that Sonny didn't ’t want.

He could not hurt him.

Slowly, Rafael had placed his index finger on Sonny’s hole. Bit by bit, he had pushed his finger in. He had watched Sonny’s eyes turn dark blue.

Rafael had searched for Sonny’s prostate and hit the spot mercilessly. Sonny’s eyes had shut wide open. Rafael’s cock had gotten hard again even though he had just come ten minutes ago.

Sonny’s face had been perfect.

“Don’t stop”, Sonny had whispered.

“I can’t hear you.” Rafael had found back to the dirty talk by then.

“Rafael, don’t stop”, Sonny said louder under exertion. Rafael loved to hear his name.

“Beg.”

Rafael looked into Sonny’s eyes and saw that his lover gave himself complety to the sensations coming from Rafael messaging his prostate.

And “Please”, he begged. But Rafael could not deny him anything. He went down and sucked Sonny off like no tomorrow.

* * *

“You can do me first”, Rafael had suggested a week later. They had been lying naked on his bed.

Sonny had said nothing.

“What is it?”

Sonny had breathed out heavily. “What if I don’t like it?”

“It’s just sex, Sonny. You shouldn't overthink it.”

It had taken Sonny a while to ease up.

* * *

 

It was the first night of July that they were lying on Sonny’s bed. Rafael got on all fours but Sonny turned him around.

“I want to see you.”

 _Of course_.

Sonny had spread lube on his dick and lay on top of Rafael placing his penis at Rafael’s entrance.

It was the first time that looking into Sonny’s eyes during sex came easy to Rafael.

Rafael nodded encouragingly.

So Sonny slowly pushed.

Rafael did not say a word, even though Sonny felt so good. He knew he needed to leave Sonny alone with his mind.

He would just watch that pretty face.

Sonny gently moved inside of Rafael. Sonny could not help to close his eyes. And Rafael loved the feeling of that beautiful penis inside of him.

Rafael started to moan.

And Sonny began to thrust. Rafael watched his lover’s eyes wrinkle and adored the beautiful sounds that Sonny made.

Rafael adjusted his hips so that Sonny’s dick hit his prostate.

It was too good.

Rafael grabbed Sonny’s ass and he accelerated the thrusts. Rafael breathed in Sonny’s groans. He felt how much Sonny wanted him.

Rafael did not do much to prolong his orgasm. He just came. His cum spread all over his stomach.

Shortly after, Rafael felt his lover’s dick pulsating inside of him. Sonny came with a big groan. He breathed very heavily. Rafael saw in his face that Sonny’s mind was totally lost.

Sonny collapsed on him.

The room was filled with the sounds of the city and heavy breaths.

“We are going to do that again”, Sonny whispered into Rafael’s ear.

* * *

 

Just a few days later, they were in Rafael’s bed and Rafael lay on top of Sonny. He had worked him open, spread the lube on his hard dick and now placed himself in front of Sonny’s hole.

Rafael studied his lover’s face.

“Talk to me”, Rafael said. “We can stop anytime.”

“I trust you”, Sonny whispered.

That was the second time that eye contact came easy to Rafael during sex.

Rafael smiled at Sonny. Sonny placed both his hands on Rafael’s cheeks and smiled back. Rafael ignored the panic in his chest and enjoyed the heat of Sonny’s hands on his face.

Rafael pushed himself inside.

 _Help him god_ , Sonny was tight.

“Does it hurt?”, Rafael forced himself to ask.

Sonny did his best to not close his eyes.

“Don’t talk, keep going”, he muttered under his breath.

Rafael hoped that Sonny’s trust in him was not ill-placed. Sonny’s flushed cheeks. The sex hair. Kiss bruised lips and the little bite marks on his necks. It was hard for Rafael to restrain himself.

So Rafael slowly pushed his whole length inside. It was not easy to go slow. Sonny’s heat turned him on so much.

Catiously, Rafael began to thrust. Sonny’s face was so beautiful. His mouth forming sounds, his eyes closing because of the sensation. Rafael could have come only by the voyeurism of watching his lover’s face during this first experience.

Rafael wanted to fuck the crap out of him. Instead, he did everything in his power to be gentle.

After a while, Rafael adjusted his hip and started to hit Sonny’s prostate. He went a bit faster. Sonny moaned.

Rafael thrusted. Sonny looked nearly desperate. Rafael felt Sonny’s orgasm rising while he pushed inside of him.

Sonny pulled Rafael’s hair while he came.

The heat took over their bodies. Rafael pushed in deep a few times.

“You can come on me”, Sonny demanded under his breath.

So Rafael pulled out, took off the condom and jerked on Sonny’s stomach. It was an intense orgasm.

Now they were both breathing heavily.

Sonny pulled him down for a deep kiss. _God,_ had Rafael learned to love this passionate kissing.

Rafael placed his forehead on Sonny’s and looked him in the eye.

“How are you?”

“I won’t do horse riding any time soon.”

They both laughed. Rafael fell next to Sonny’s side. He felt good.

“You're okay?”, Rafael asked.

“Yeah”, Sonny nodded. “I'm fine.” He was sweaty with flushed skin.

“Good.”

“We're going to do this again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your wonderful feedback. Spread love!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jealousy hit him in the chest like a white streak of flame. His throat tighten. Rafael did not know whether he was hurt or angry."

Two days later, Rafael was sitting on his couch because New York City had been blessed with some summer rain, so he couldn't settle on his little balcony. He was in the middle of his book, _The Waves_  by Virginia Woolf which he was reading for what felt like the hundredth time, when his phone buzzed. It was a text message from “ _Det. Carisi_ ”.

   S: _Im doin paperwork last two days_  
   R: _So?_  
   S: _Its not easy to sit_

Rafael understood. The biggest smile beamed in his face. He put his book away.

   R: _You don’t make me feel as bad as you intend_  
   R: _You don’t make me feel bad at all actually_  
   S: _Squad teases me I should go easy on banging that chic_

Working with detectives, it was probably not possible to keep an affaire secret. Rafael had met with Liv for lunch last week. After they had already finished their meals, Rafael finally hadn't been able to resist anymore and had casually asked about Carisi.

“He’s been seeing someone”, Liv had said. “But he gives nothing away about her. He must like her, I guess”, Liv had told him. “But she's good for him, he's always relaxed when he comes to work with the same clothes as the day before." With a playful smile she had added: "They're probably very busy in the bedroom department.” Rafael had needed to use all his willpower in order to keep a straight face. “Fin and Rollins give him a hard time though”, Liv had laughed.

Rafael wondered if the detectives realized that despite Carisi was wearing the same clothes twice, he was shaved, styled with men’s hair product and smelled like men’s cologne. They might even recognize the cologne.

“You also look good, Rafa”, Liv had told him.

Liv was his dear friend and she finally started to forgive him for leaving, so he had decided in that moment to open up a little.

“I'm kind of seeing someone”, he had said.

Liv had looked at him in total surprise. “Really?”

Rafael had pressed his lips together and raised his brow in an affirmative manner.

“Good for you”, Liv had commented. “Who's she?”

Rafael had looked at her without saying something.

“Come on, don’t be like Carisi”, Liv had complained. “What's her name? Where did you meet her? What does she do? Tell me something.”

Rafael had taken a deep breath. Maybe it had been a mistake to say something as he himself was inwardly torn when it came to Sonny. He had wished he could explain to his friend, why he could not tell her anything.

In the end, he had went for a simple truth. “It's not a woman”, he had said simply.

There had been a spoon on the table that he had started to fumble with. He had held eye contact with Liv. He had realized her embarrassment. She had opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again.  
Rafael had just smiled at her and shaken his head slightly, intending to tell her that she did not have to say anything. It was _okay._

Rafael looked at the text messages. The squad also thought that Sonny was seeing a woman.

   R: _I don’t care about her but you better don’t go easy on banging me_  
   S: _How could I?_  
   R: _Good boy_  
   S: _U comin to central park on saturday?_

Liv had suggested to enjoy the summer in New York City and go to Central Park on the weekend with the squad. The women would bring their children and Fin would bring his grandson. Some family time. Liv had invited Rafael, too. “You're unemployed and have nothing to do anyway”, she had said.

This SVU family had made him feel alive during the past six years. It would be the stupidest thing to miss out on that opportunity only because of Sonny. But Rafael does not like awkwardness. His policy is to not make things complicated.

   S: _U should come_  
   S: _Do not not come cos of me_  
   R: _Double negative, yummy_  
   S: _I mean it. We're not 15_  
   R: _I'm not, but I don’t know about you_  
   S: _Rafael, would u pls give a normal answer?_

Rafael sighed, Sonny was right. They were adults, they could spend an afternoon together without displaying their arrangement. And most of all, if he didn’t go, he would not see Sonny again this week. And he missed him.

   R: _Ok. But the others don't need to know_  
   S: _Sure_  
   R: _Now go back to your paperwork_  
   S: _U like to c me suffer_  
   R: _No objection_  
 S: _Cu_  
   R: _Bye_

* * *

 

Everyone had agreed to meet on Saturday at five thirty when the big heat of the summer day began to fade away.

It was five forty five when Rafael walked to the direction of the meeting point. He spotted Liv waiting at an ice cream stall with Noah. Jesse was on her arm. Rafael was already about to wave when he saw Sonny and Rollins standing next to a bench about fifty yards from the ice cream stall. Sonny had one hand on Rollins’ waist in what seemed like a friendly manner. She leaned in and put one hand on his chest.

Rafael froze.

Rollins stood on tiptoe and kissed Sonny on the lips.

Jealousy hit him in the chest like a white streak of flame. His throat tighten. Rafael did not know whether he was hurt or angry.

He could not look away. It felt like forever until Sonny finally pushed her away.

Rafael watched the two thoroughly. Studied the expression on Sonny’s face when he shook his head and raised his two hands in rejection. Rollins looked furious.

Rafael could hear nothing that was going on around him. As if Central Park had gone silent. Every motion around him had stopped.

Sonny stepped away from Rollins. Rollins turned away from him, angry. They both tried hard not to look at each other.

Before Sonny could see him, Rafael pulled himself out of his rage and walked towards Liv and the kids in firm steps.

He knows his jealousy. It eats him up alive. He needed to ignore it.

“Hey you guys”, Rafael greeted. He gave Liv a short hug.

“Hi, Uncle Rafa”, Noah beamed at him.

“How are you, little man?”, Rafael patted the boy’s head.

“Good, you're here. You can help me carry”, Liv said handing him a couple of ice creams.

This was the moment that Fin arrived. He was pushing a stroller with a little boy inside. Grandpa and grandson were wearing matching baseball caps.

“Barba, long time no see”, Fin grinned at him.

“You two look fantastic”, Rafael complimented deadly serious. They embraced in a cordial hug. He should have called Fin.

With ice cream in their hands, they approached Rollins and Carisi. Rafael tried to make a happy face. He breathed as calmly as he could.

“Barba”, Rollins beamed at him. “It’s been a long time. It’s so good to see you.” _Stupid bitch_. Rollins opened her arms for a hug. Rafael pulled off his best smile. With a stiff body, he hugged her, half-heartedly patting her on the back.

Rafael had no idea how to greet Sonny. How would he greet him under normal circumstances?

But Sonny was a step ahead of him. He gave him one of his gorgeous smiles and shook his hand: “Hi Barba, how you doing?”

Rafael did not manage to reply. He just gave him a nod.

The squad family settled on the bench and enjoyed their ice cream.

“Hey Carisi, what's your girlfriend doing today?”, Fin asked in an obvious attempt to lighten up the mood by mocking a member of the group. Silence was the answer. Three faces frowned. Rafael hoped nobody would look at him. How could Fin have known that he had hit a sensitive nerve?

“A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell”, Sonny managed to answer after half an eternity.

Fin sent an inquiring look to Liv who just shrugged her shoulder helplessly.

Rafael had no reason to be jealous. They are not in a relationship. Sonny did not initiate the kiss. He had stopped it. But he could not look at Sonny. Rafael just ignored him. There was no other way to deal with this.

After a while, Fin and Sonny started playing baseball with Noah. Liv was sitting close with the two little children watching. Rafael felt Rollins approaching him.

“We miss you, Barba”, she chatted. “How are you doing these days? Anything new with you?”

Rafael put on the smile that he usually saved for defense attorneys. “Not really, I'm taking what you could call an unpaid sabbatical. It’s less than ideal. But we shouldn't talk about me old man. Jesse seems to do great.” Rafael just wanted to take the conversation away from him and it worked. The mother Rollins is, she started babbling about her daughter.

Since he was seeing Sonny, he had started to dislike her. Mainly because Sonny spent a lot of evenings with her instead of with him. Rafael could not understand this relationship. Rollins had a problem and Sonny jumped. But it was not his business.

“I always thought you were in love with Rollins”, Rafael had asked him one night on his balcony.

“No, we're just friends”, Sonny had answered. Rafael could not believe that Sonny had lied to him.

Rafael knew that Sonny knew that something was wrong. He did not need to look at him to know that Sonny had realized.

“Rafael, is everything okay?”, Sonny whispered to him in a semi-private moment.

“We were not going to engage in a manner that addresses our arrangement”, Rafael had snapped.

They shook hands again when everyone said their goodbyes. Rafael had not been able to enjoy the time together.

When he walked away with Liv and Noah for accompanying them on their way home, his phone buzzed. It was a text message from “Det. Carisi”.

   S: _I can come to u after I drop off Amanda & Jesse_  
   R: _Why would you do that?_

Rafael put his phone away and ignored the sounds that informed him of new incoming text messages. After what happened, he was _still_ going to walk her home! Rafael could not believe it.

“You look thoughtful today, Rafa”, Liv pulled him out of his thoughts.

“I'm fine”, Rafael replied.

“Something is troubling you”, Liv insisted.

“Yes, that I have only limited savings”, Rafael joked. He could see that Liv did not believe him but luckily Noah started asking questions about fire engines stuck in traffic jams which is why she was too busy to bother him further.

The walk home was not helpful for Rafael. Now that he was not distracted by engaging in a conversation, all his feelings started to boil inside of him. With every step he felt the rage increase. He quickly considered going to a bar with the intention of picking someone up. But it would be silly. That was something that he would have done in "the old days". Here and now, he wanted to be alone.

He took a look on his phone. Three unseen messages.

   S: _What is going on?_  
   S: _I think we need to talk_  
   S: _Will u answer me!_

Rafael put the phone in his pocket.

When he came home, he went straight into the kitchen and looked around. On the counter there was still the dirty plate from his lunch. He took it in both hands and smashed it on the counter. The loud sound, the shards and the mess felt good.

For a moment.

Jealousy was another reason why he had stopped having relationships.

And Sonny was not his claim.

He had made sure of it himself. That there were not together.

His phone was ringing. “ _Det. Carisi_ ” appeared on the display.

Rafael turned off his phone.

One might think that it was immature not to answer. But Rafael knew himself. He would say something that he would regret.

Rafael opened one of the cabinets and looked at his collection of Whiskey bottles. His heart was beating loudly.

Part of his passion about drinking Scotch was choosing the right one. Every bottle of Scotch has a story. Which flavors. Which casks. Which place. But now Rafael could not think. He just grabbed a random bottle and hurried up to drown his rage in the amber liquid.

* * *

 

The next day it was nearly midnight when the door rang. Rafael knew directly that it was Sonny. They hadn’t talked. And Rafael was not ready to. There was still this weird feeling in his stomach.

With a huge hangover, Rafael had headed out to Brooklyn in the morning after breakfast. He had wanted to visit his mother aiming to distract him from the Sonny-mess. It was already too late when he had realized that it was a Sunday. Which meant that he had to go to Mass with his mother. Which also meant that his mother had taken the chance to make him go to confession. Rafael had ended up talking to Father Mike for over an hour. They had talked about the baby and it had been better than Rafael thought it would be.

It had been after ten in the evening when Rafael was finally back in his apartment with a bag of leftovers of Cuban food that was not as good as the food that Abuelita used to make. After arriving, Rafael had showered at length and put on his comfortable clothes. His plan had been to relax before getting back to Sonny.

Rafael had only had one drink, when Sonny walked into his apartment.

“Why didn’t you answer me?”, Sonny asked right away.

“My phone was turned off”, Rafael answered. It was true actually.

“And why was it turned off?”

“I was in church all day.”

Sonny pulled his brows together in disbelief. But that was also true. Rafael did not mind pointing that out. He turned around wordlessly to the kitchen to pour them both a drink. Sonny must have come straight from Staten Island. Because he was wearing light blue jeans, sneakers and a simple polo-shirt. That was Sonny Carisi’s casual summer look.

“You saw me and Amanda kiss.”

Sonny had followed him to the kitchen.

Rafael had his back turned to him but decided it would be impossible to lie: “I did.”

He handed Sonny a glass of Scotch. There was no beer left for him in the fridge.

“But you can do whatever you want. We're not exclusive.”

Rafael saw in Sonny’s eyes that he was not happy with the last sentence.

“Rafael, if you don’t like me kissing other people you can just say it.”

That was the chore of the problem, but of course Rafael could never admit.

“You shouldn't waste your energy on someone else when you're with me, this is what I think. But other than that, we don't have a relationship. You can do whatever you want”, Rafael said again. He sipped his Scotch.

The burn did not help.

“But yet, you're angry at me”, Sonny Carisi concluded in his all detective manner.

“I'm not angry.”

“Rafael, please…”, Sonny whispered with his blue eyes fixed on him. Sonny had no product in his hair. He was not shaved. Rafael sighed. He did not want to be angry at him. He wanted to punish-fuck him but as Sonny had only bottomed once, he could not do that.

Rafael went for a truth again: “You lied to me. You said you and Amanda are only friends. You yourself had requested that we're honest to each other.”

Now Sonny sighed: “Fine. I tell you about Amanda.” He pointed to the living room with his head. And they both walked to the couch. Rafael felt pride. He had been able to distract from his jealousy by shifting the focus on Sonny’s admittedly tiny mistake.

“I didn’t lie”, Sonny said when they sat down next to each other. “We're just friends. I mean there was a time when she might have had a chance, but nothing ever happened. I don’t know why she kissed me yesterday.”

“It’s because you see her all the time”, Rafael said too quickly, but managed to keep a straight face as if nothing that Sonny said was concerning him.

“Yeah”, Sonny smiled shyly. “This is why we will not meet after work for a while.”

Rafael took a sip of Scotch in order to hide his absolute delight to hear that.

“Rafael, look at me.”

Rafael felt Sonny’s hand on his cheek. This gesture was too intimate for Rafael.

They locked eyes.

“I told her that this someone I'm seeing is special to me", Sonny whispered. "I only want you."

Rafael looked into these beautiful, blue eyes. And panic arose in his chest. Sonny had never said something this romantic to him. He guessed that Sonny knew Rafael wouldn’t want it.

Rafael swallowed hard. Then he pushed Sonny’s hand away from his cheek and broke the moment in the only way he could think of.

“Show me then”, Rafael said. He stood up and pushed his pants down. “Use that pretty mouth for something else than talking.”

Rafael mouthfucked Sonny until all the rage, the jealousy and the panic was gone. He came insie of Sonny’s mouth with a long groan. Heavily breathing, he clenched Sonny’s jaw with one hand and lent down for the kiss. He tasted himself while Sonny swirled his tongue around Rafael’s.

That was the kink they shared.

They both swallowed when they broke the kiss. Without another word, Rafael turned around to go to the bathroom.

“You're not going to return the favor?”, Sonny asked behind him.

“No”, Rafael answered.

Rafael washed the saliva mess away in the shower. When he came back to the living room, he saw that Sonny had finished his Scotch.

“I'm going home”, he said.

“You should”, Rafael replied. “You need to change in the morning.” After all, Sonny had no suit.

“Don’t do that again”, Sonny told him seriously.

“Do what?”

“You didn’t talk to me. You made it weird.”

“We're not a couple I'm not obliged to take your calls.”

“Okay, Rafael”, Sonny said with two hands raised, but disappointment obvious in his face. “See you.”

Sonny leaned down for a goodbye-kiss.

Saying goodbye was the only time outside of sex that Rafael accepted that he kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for all the wonderful comments. I feel so good writing this story and even better because you like it.
> 
> You will have to wait a few days for the next chapter because I will be out of the country (while I am already out of the country actually).
> 
> By the way, did anyone notice that English is not my first language and I never lived in an English speaking country? 
> 
> Just love!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sonny could not take his hands off Rafael during dinner. He always had a hand on his thigh and Rafael could not wipe off the smirk on his face. Before desert could be served, Rafael finally ordered: “Bedroom, Carisi.” "

They never talked about the jealousy again. Rafael was angry at himself because Sonny had handled the situation so much better than he had. This whole situation reminded him that he would need to end things before either one of them gets hurt.

But for now, the sex was just too good. Sonny was very eager to please him in bed. And Rafael enjoyed it to the fullest.

When they had been working together, Rafael had wondered many times if Sonny had had a crush on him. Rafael had not even respected the man but yet Sonny had not let himself be swayed and constantly searched for his approval. Well, back then Rafael had thought Sonny was straight.

Now, Rafael was absolutely sure that Sonny did have a crush on him. He just saw it in the way Sonny smiled at him. And Rafael savored every single moment of it. To be adored was a great feeling. How Sonny worshiped every inch of his body. Rafael barely remembered a time when he had felt so good inside of his own body.

Besides, who was he to talk? Rafael knew damn well he had a thing for his detective. There was no point in denying. Sonny was just too delicious. All Rafael needed to do was to be careful. Like not engaging in affections outside of sex.

Rafael wondered, if Sonny was really fine with this, their casual arrangement. But in the end, he didn’t care. As long as they had a good time together, everything was fine.

Rafael’s phone buzzed. It was a text from “ _Det. Carisi_ ”.

   S: _U wont believe what happened_  
   R: _Just tell me_  
   S: _Liv gave me the afternoon off_  
   R: _Good for you_  
   S: _Let me cook dinner for u_

It was three thirty, a Friday in the beginning of August. Rafael knew Sonny had plans with his family on the weekend. So he was quite happy that Sonny had chosen to spend his unexpected free time with him. On the other hand, they had never had dinner together.

   R: _It’s ok. I can just come by after dinner_  
   S: _Cmon_  
   R: _You don’t need to cook_  
   S: _What's the prob?_  
   R: _That you’ll get cheesy_  
   S: _Ur a dick_  
   R: _It should be “U’re a dick”_  
   S: _No date. Ill just cook cannelloni and afterwards sex, okay?_  
   R: _Ok_  
   S: _Good_  
   R: _Btw, cannelloni is an interesting choice for a booty call between men_  
   S: _…_  
   R: _I’m happy you don’t harass me with emojis_  
   S: _Is wine acceptable, Mr Barba?_  
   R: _It is_  
 S: _Cu at 7_  
   R: _Bye_

Rafael put the phone away with a big grin on his face. Dinner and sex. What a good lover he had indeed.

* * *

 

As a reward, Rafael even had a bottle of port wine in his hand when he rang the door to Sonny’s apartment. Rafael had shaved and put on his cologne that he had used while he was still working as an ADA, _Terres d’Hermès_. He was wearing a blue shirt, simple jeans and white loafers.

“You look good”, Sonny complimented when he opened the door for him.

“You clearly have no demands when it comes to fashion”, Rafael replied looking down on his extreme casual look. He hadn’t even bothered to iron his shirt. “But I guess I can pull off anything.” Sonny just answered with a laugh.

He pointed to the bottle in Rafael’s hand. “That's our aperitif, I guess.” Rafael was delighted that Sonny knew enough about alcohol to pick up on that.

While Sonny poured them both a glass, Rafael walked to the counter that separated the living and the kitchen area. The flat smelled like an Italian restaurant. Tomato, mozzarella, basil. He was hungry.

Sonny gave him one glass. “Can we cheer with port wine?”, he asked.

Rafael had explained him at length how to drink Scotch. You toast with beer but not with Scotch. They had even had a discussion whether it was fine for them to toast as one of them was drinking Scotch and the other one was drinking beer. It was obviously not. So Rafael had refused every time.

But today he said: “It's okay.” And they clicked their glasses together. Sonny had a big smile on his face. Rafael wondered why Sonny was in such an exceptional good mood.

Sonny poured down the port wine in one go, put the glass aside and kissed Rafael on the lips. Sonny eagerly caressed Rafael’s tongue with his.

“What are you doing?”, Rafael asked taken aback.

“I’m hungry”, Sonny said simply and took Rafael’s glass out of his hand and put it on the counter. Sonny grabbed his ass and Rafael felt Sonny’s erection against his crotch.

“What about the cannelloni?”

“They need ten minutes”, Sonny replied and kissed Rafael again.

“That is enough time?”

“It’s just starters”, Sonny replied while sucking on Rafael’s earlobe.

“I thought you're more like desert”, Rafael said and could not help the prickling feeling in his own dick.

Sonny put his forehead on Rafael’s and looked him in the eye. “I can be both”, he grinned.

Rafael also grinned, but said: “Save your energy for after dinner.”

Sonny kissed his cheekbones and whispered in his ear: “Come on, Rafael. I want to fuck you. So much.”

And Rafael’s dick was hard. That was the first time that Sonny was the one to initiate anal sex. Who was he to say no?

“You bought supplies?”, Rafael asked because there used to be none at Sonny’s place.

“Yeah”, Sonny grinned. “Wait here”, he asked and quickly went into his bedroom. He came back with lube, condoms and wet wipes. Rafael looked at him both surprised and approving at the same time.

“Good boy.”

Sonny undid the zipper of his grey shorts and let them fall to his ankles together with his boxers. Sonny’s dick was hard, dripping precum.

With a firm gesture, Sonny turned Rafael around. Rafael was nearly shocked by the pure boldness. It turned him on so much.

“Pants down”, Sonny said while fumbling with the lube.

“You better do me good”, Rafael threatened him while undoing his belt.

“Oh, no worries.”

Without any ado, Sonny quickly worked Rafael open and fucked him right there at the counter. He grabbed Rafael’s hips and fucked him with deep thrusts. Sonny did not waste much time to find the right angle so that his dick hit Rafael’s prostate… and he fucked him hard.

“I come first”, Rafael ordered under his breath as Sonny’s moans deepened. Obediently, Sonny took Rafael’s dick in one hand and strived him while thrusting. Rafael came into Sonny’s hand, short and intense. Inside of him, he felt Sonny’s dick pulsating.

Sonny put his forehead on Rafael’s neck and was breathing heavily. Rafael looked down on himself. There was some cum on the counter. “Lucky for you, you did not mess up my trousers”, he said to Sonny.

“It’s called talent”, Sonny commented while he pulled out. _You are talented indeed_ , Rafael thought to himself.

Sonny simply cleaned himself up with the wet wipes, and also cleaned up the counter with the wet wipes. Then he walked into the kitchen area saying: “The cannelloni should be ready.”

“You better fuck me good later”, Rafael replied to Sonny’s impudence. He went to the bathroom for cleaning himself up.

When he came back, Sonny had served the steamy cannelloni on the dining table that he had managed to arrange in his tiny apartment. They were sitting very close and the food just smelled delicious.

“Oh my god, that’s good”, Rafael said when he took the first bite.

“Why do you say that as if you're surprised?”, Sonny grinned.

“It’s really good”, Rafael complimented. “And I'm also positively surprised that you don't serve Lambrusco.”

Sonny burst out in laughter. “That's the only wine Ma drinks but I figured Lambrusco is wine for cheap Italian restaurants.” They were both laughing hard. “I took the advice of an Indian store clerk in the supermarket when I chose this one.” Sonny pointed at the bottle of red wine. Rafael liked it.

During dinner, Sonny could not leave his hands off Rafael. He always had a hand on his thigh and Rafael was not able to wipe off the smirk on his face. Before dessert could be served, Rafael finally ordered: “Bedroom, Carisi.” And Rafael lay under him nakedly while Sonny fucked him to his next orgasm.

“In my house, you don’t need to shower”, Sonny said after they were done. “I like it when you smell like sex.”

Rafael gave him a deadly look in return.

When Rafael was searching for his clothes, Sonny added: “Just stay naked”.

“Let’s keep some civility intact”, Rafael responded.

Sonny answered with a raised brow: “As you wish. Dessert is waiting.” He pointed with his thumb to the living room.

“More desert?”, Rafael asked with a smile. When he watched Sonny’s firm ass while he walked outside of the bedroom, Rafael decided not to bother with clothes.

This was how they ended up sitting naked on Sonny’s couch, with the windows open wide. A cool August breeze was blowing in the heated apartment. The tiramisu just tasted like a sin. It was creamy and tasted like coffee and Rafael could have sworn there was Scotch inside. But he didn’t say anything.

“Did you think I was straight?”, Rafael asked with the spoon in his mouth.

“No”, Sonny answered simply.

“Why not?”

“You're not.”  
“That's not an answer.”

“I don’t know. I guess the way you dress”, Sonny shrugged his shoulders.

“That’s it?”

“And the way you talk.”

“How do I talk?”

“Overly dramatic.”

“Excuse me?”

“Also your haircut.”

“My hair looks great.”

“Yeah, and it's all a bit gay.”

“I don’t know if I should feel offended or complimented by what you're saying”, Rafael wondered.

“You started asking”, Sonny laughed.

“So, did you want to get me in bed back then?”, Rafael turned his head to look at his detective. Sonny’s face burned red. Rafael grinned.

“You're very hot when you're in court”, Sonny apologized smiling shyly. “Would I have had a chance?”, Sonny asked after a while.

Rafael shook his head: “No way.” Unfortunate, but true. “But we're here now”, Rafael said and with that he started to strew kisses across Sonny’s face. Strands of golden hair were falling on his forehead and the sounds that came from Sonny’s mouth made Rafael’s head swim. He placed small bites all the way down Sonny’s neck. He needed to mark him.

They had merely finished their second plate of desert when Sonny fucked Rafael from behind again. On the couch. Like raw animals. Sonny hit Rafael’s prostate mercilessly which send warm shivers through Rafel's whole body. Rafael did not allow Sonny to come before him and he did everything in his power to prolong his own orgasm. He gave himself to their moans that were melting together as if they were one sound.

Suddenly, Rafael heard a beep sound in his ear. His vision went blank. He had never come this hard.

When the colors finally reappeared, he heard Sonny groaning behind him. Rafael could not move. His legs hurt. He was not sure if he would be able to walk straight. He was so fucked out.

It was absolutely perfect.

They killed another bottle of wine that evening. Rafael lost track of what was going on around him. What time it was or where his pants were. He did not even have Scotch. It must have been pretty early in the evening when he felt his eyes closing.

“I will go to bed”, Rafael announced.

“You're an old man”, Sonny answered.

“Why on earth would you say that?”

“Did I hit a nerve?”

“Shut up!”

“Don’t worry, Rafael. You're still very sexy”, Sonny purred. Rafael loved it when Sonny used this tone.

Rafael pecked him on the lips and held his face close to his when he said in a dangerous voice: “Don’t you dare use the word ‘still’ when talking about my age.”

Rafael stood up from the couch and went to the kitchen for water. Suddenly, he felt Sonny’s hands under his shirt stroking over his bare bronze skin. Sonny kissed Rafael’s neck intensively. _Oh god, he wanted him again_. He should have thought about having a younger lover years ago.

So Rafael pulled Sonny by the hand to the bedroom. It nearly hurt to get a boner again. Rafael was already sore. But he could not resist. It was like a drug. And Sonny banged him like no tomorrow.

* * *

 

When Rafael woke up the next morning, he looked at his phone to realize that it was after eleven. How on earth could he have slept so much? He looked to the man next to him. Sonny as always was wearing no t-shirt while sleeping. Even though, he just woke up Rafael’s whole body was exhausted. And he loved it.

Rafael closed his eyes for a second. With a sigh he turned to his sleeping lover and started to spread kisses all over his belly, his shoulders and his chest. Sonny did not even open his eyes when waking up. He squirmed and moaned and laughed under Rafael’s sweet caresses. With endless patience, Rafael licked around Sonny’s nipples. He swirled his tongue around one firm nipple, pinching the other one with his fingertips.

Slowly, Rafael kissed down to Sonny’s hard dick and sucked him with relish.

So Sonny fucked him again. And Rafael had an out-of-body experience. His mind went completely blank when he came.

When they were both falling on the mattress next to each other, Rafael felt so fucked out as if he could never move again.

He felt so good.

It was long after one when they finally had breakfast together. Sonny had prepared bagels and eggs, a lot of eggs, while swirling around in his little kitchen in his boxers.

Rafael has had a small vision of Sonny at the beach in his swim trunks. How the sun would reflect on the water pearls on his naked torso. How he could show off with his young, handsome lover.

During breakfast, they talked and laughed at length. Sonny had also prepared the most delicious coffee. They talked about Cuba and Italy. How they both had never travelled to their country of origin. And what a weird country America was indeed.

Sonny’s phone buzzed. He looked at a text message and sighed: “I need to go, Teresa's waiting. I should kick you out, I'm sorry”, Sonny apologized to him.

Rafael looked in his lover’s face and understood that he did not want him to go. So he placed his hand between Sonny’s thighs and whispered in his ear: “Let me fuck you.”

Rafael watched Sonny’s eyes turn dark. And Rafael knew he had won. Just a bit more purring into Sonny's ears and sucking on his lower lip, then Sonny took the phone and found some excuse not to meet his sister that day.

Over the course of the afternoon, Rafael fucked Sonny into the mattress two times. The August heat hit the tiny apartment which completely smelled of sex. The heavy breaths combined with the sounds of the City.

“Oh my God, you are so tight”, Rafael panted when he pushed inside of Sonny. Blue eyes locked with viridian. Sonny blinked when a drop of sweat fell from a strain of Rafael’s brown hair into his blue eyes. When the orgasm came, Rafael kissed Sonny deeply.

Rafael was so exhausted. He was so fully and completely fucked out.

That afteroon, there was a documentary about Obamacare on the television. He merely watched. Sonny sat next to him on the couch with his cheeks flushed pink and his hair pointing in every direction. He also seemed too lazy to move. At one point, Sonny even napped.

It was around seven when Sonny brought Rafael a Scotch from the kitchen.

“Rafael, don’t even bother to discuss. Just stay. Let’s order Chinese”, Sonny said to him in his thick Staten Island accent.

Rafael was sitting there in his boxers and one of Sonny’s shirts. “I can barely move”, he replied. “So no objection.”

Sonny gave him a warm smile and Rafael’s heart jumped.

The evening flew by without much conversation. They ate the Chinese food as if it were the last meal they were ever going to have on this earth. They also had tiramisu that was left over from the day before.

“Is your sister going to be mad?”, Rafael asked.

“It’s okay. It wouldn't be the first time”, Sonny said with a big gesture.

“How's Mia?”

Sonny gave Rafael a look. They had never really talked about Sonny's niece's rape trial. “She's fine. She will go back to school after the summer.”

“Good for her.”

“Yeah, she's strong.”

“What about your plans of becoming an ADA?” The lazy day had put him in a chattery mood.

“You think I can step in your footsteps?”

“Of course not”, Rafael smiled at Sonny. He smiled back.

“You're the one who should start working again”, Sonny said to him.

“It’s true. And I will after the summer”, Rafael replied. “Life in New York is too expensive without a job.”

“Luckily your Italian lover buys you Scotch”, Sonny joked.

Rafael laughed. Every inch of his body hurt. And the Scotch burned through his throat. He could not be any better.

When they went to bed later that evening and Sonny had whispered “good night” before turning off the light, Rafael lay on his back with open eyes. He looked at the ceiling as if someone could help him there.

 _Screw it_ , he thought.

He turned around to lay on his side and pressed his body against Sonny’s. He wrapped his arms around Sonny’s waist and buried his nose in Sonny’s neck. He breathed in deep and enjoyed Sonny’s smell. Sweet and Salty.

He could basically feel how Sonny’s face beamed up with a big smile.

“Knock it off”, Rafael said to him.

“I don’t know what you mean”, Sonny mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, even I could not wait. I am so happy for comments and kudos. Love you guys, you love, too!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“You know what, Rafael? Today is actually the day that you could be nice to me”, Sonny said in a firm voice shooting him a deadly look. Rafael was perplexed by the sudden outburst."

Sonny was supposed to come around nine, but it was eleven thirty when the door finally rang. When Rafael opened the door for him, Sonny was an absolute mess. His wrinkles seemed deep. His eyes were small from tiredness. His hair fell in strains of weak product onto his forehead.

Sonny was wearing a crumpled white and blue shirt with two buttons opened. There was a big brownish stain on the shirt which seemed to be coffee. The bordeaux red tie was loosened and his dark blue vest open.

On his index finger hang a coat hanger with a suit. He had thrown it behind his back. In his other hand, he had a tiny sports bag. Rafael raised his brow.

“What is this?”, he asked.

“It’s a suit”, Sonny answered. “I will wear it tomorrow for work.” He walked past Rafael into his living room. He placed the bag on Rafael’s wooden chair and hang the suit over its back.

Rafael loved Sonny’s boldness. No doubt about it. But this was overstepping. They didn’t bring along new clothes. If he would wear the new suit in the morning, where was the old suit going to stay?

“Sonny, what happened?”, Rafael asked calmly instead.

Sonny ran a hand over his face. He was tired for sure.

“I had nothing since breakfast today. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I didn't have a shower yet.” Sonny sat down on the couch. “In the morning, I shot an eighteen-year old boy. He nearly died. Then Liv got angry at me for apologizing to his mother instead of arresting her for being a madam. And I spent the last three hours as the emotional toilet for Rollins complaining about some guy she’s been screwing with. While Jesse puked on me.” Sonny looked at him out of tired eyes.

Rafael examined the brown stain on Sonny's shirt again.

There was no way of talking to him in that state.

“I have some dinner left, I’ll heat it up for you”, Rafael said therefore. Sonny nodded at him thankfully.

Rafael got up and put some mashed potatoes and fish sticks on a plate and heated it up in the microwave. He returned to the living room with the plate, a fork and a big glass of water. He put all in front of Sonny on the tiny coffee table.

Sonny started eating without a word.

If Sonny Carisi was not talking, there was something wrong for sure. Rafael knew that very well by now.

“Only you are able to apologize to a madam”, Rafael began and he had more wrong-doings to point out, but Sonny interrupted him.

“You know what, Rafael? Today is actually the day that you could be nice to me”, Sonny said in a firm voice shooting him a deadly look.

Rafael was perplexed by the sudden outburst. _He really was angry,_ Rafael realized. He narrowed his eyes not knowing what to say.

“And telling me to feel special because you keep seeing me despite you usually dating a string of people isn't as nice as you think”, Sonny barely raised his voice.

He hit the fork into the food on the plate with too much force.

Sonny’s phone on the coffee table started vibrating. Sonny must have put it into silent mode. Rafael could read the word _“Gina”_ on the display.

If he had decided to come to him in search for comfort instead of to his sister, Sonny had made a mistake.

“But… well, never mind. This was a mistake”, Sonny gestured with the fork. “I will go”, Sonny said shaking his head. “But I’ll finish eating first.” He lowered his gaze back on his plate and continued eating.

Rafael looked at Sonny, studied his face.

_When did it happen?_

That he had started to be able to read every emotion on his lover’s face. He knew Sonny felt bad, really bad. Probably, Sonny had not even told him everything about what was going on. Rafael took a deep breath.

Rafael got up. He took the sports bag and the suit from the wooden chair. He went into his bedroom, placed the suit with the coat hanger next to his unused work suits in the closet. He opened the little sports bag and found sweatpants, a t-shirt and new boxers in it. He took them out and placed them on the bed.

Then he went to the kitchen. He opened one of the cabinets. Many years ago, one of his follow ADA colleague had found it appropriate to buy him rum as he is Cuban. Rafael had never opened the bottle. But somehow he found alcohol made out of sugar suitable for Sonny. He poured a generous glass and went back to the living room.

Sonny was having his last bites. Rafael approached him and handed him the glass.

“Are you done?”, Rafael asked. Sonny first looked at the glass and then at him, wondering. “Pour it down, then have a shower”, Rafael said pointing with his head to his bedroom where the en suite bathroom was.

There was also a tiny guest bathroom in Rafael's flat, but nobody used it.

Sonny sighed heavily. But he took the glass, gulped down the clear liquid in one go making a grimace because of the burn. Sonny gave the glass back to him, got up and went to the bathroom.

Without saying a word.

Rafael heard the sounds of the shower when he went into the kitchen to refill Sonny’s glass and to pour himself a Scotch. Rafael went back to the living room and fell into his armchair. He would sit opposite Sonny.

Rafael took a sip of Scotch and held the whiskey inside of his mouth as long as he could in order to relish the burn. Sonny’s phone vibrated several times. Text messages popped up on the screen. As far as Rafael could see, they were from his sisters. He massaged his forehead.

He did not even know what to think.

When Sonny finally came back into the living room, he was wearing his sweats, his hair was adorably wet. Sonny let himself fall into the couch and looked at him with his sweet, blue eyes, expecting Rafael to say something. Rafael pointed with his head to the rum. Obediently, Sonny took it in his hand and drank.

“What are you doing here?”, Rafael started.

He felt the familiar panic crawling around in his chest.  
Sonny pressed his lips together and slightly shook his head.

“I didn't want to be alone." His voice was scratchy.

“And you chose me as company?”, Rafael asked.

“Yeah, it’s stupid, isn’t it?”, Sonny answered in a silent voice looking Rafael in the eyes.

 _It really is_ , was what Rafael thought. But he didn’t say it. He saw in Sonny’s face that he was already hurt today.

“Sonny”, Rafael whispered. He talked very slow, trying to choose the words wisely. Trying not to disappoint him. “Many people, including me, cannot appreciate what a good person you are. They don’t see that it's not a fault in character to feel sorry about shooting a pimp and apologizing to his mother. Or to listen to a friend’s messed up love life even though you're part of that messed up love life. And I'm sure that both Liv and Rollins will see that. It's on the other hand very stupid to see someone who is as bad an asshole in bed as he was in court. But I want you to know that the reason why I'm telling you that you should feel special is because you are.” _Like many others, Rafael did not deserve Sonny._ “You shouldn't allow anyone to make you feel bad about being nice.”

Rafael did his best to look Sonny into his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes.

Sonny pressed his lips together and nearly invisible, nodded. His puppy eyes locked with his green ones. Rafael saw in Sonny’s expression that even though he was touched by his words, he had expected more.

Sonny looked at him with endlessly tired eyes. “Well, it's a revelation that you're able to talk about feelings”, Sonny said in a whisper.

It seemed like Rafael’s words had been enough. For today.

“I'm full of surprises”, Rafael answered bitterly. Both men were not able to laugh at a joke.

Sonny took the glass to his lips and finished his rum. “Well, Rafael, I'm afraid that you'll have to do another nice thing today”, he announced with his thick accent. “I'm too tired for any sex stuff.”

Rafael looked at Sonny. His heart pumped heavily owing to the panic in his chest. He sighed.

“Let’s go to bed then.”

While Sonny already lay down in the bed, Rafael brushed his teeth and changed into his sweats. Rafael lay down next to Sonny and turned off the light. He lay on his back and looked at the ceiling in the dark.

Suddenly, Rafael felt Sonny’s heavy arm on his chest. Sonny put his forehead on Rafael’s cheek. Rafael fought against the weird feeling in his chest. It was the second time that they cuddled. The last time had been about three weeks ago.

“Shut up”, Sonny requested.

“I didn't say a word”, Rafael replied.

The panic in his chest nearly hurt, but he placed one hand on Sonny’s shoulder and pulled out his other arm from underneath him so that Sonny could cuddle on his chest.

Sonny’s hair smelled like Rafael’s shampoo. It was a fantastic scent on him.

With Sonny’s odor in his nose, Sonny’s breathing in his ear and Sonny’s heat on his body, Rafael slowly dozed off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are slowly approaching the show down. Your comments and kudos are so lovely! Spread love!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There you go.

Rafael did not know how but Sonny had convinced him to go for a rooftop bar in Brunswick.

“It's September, Rafael. Who knows if we'll have the chance again this year”, Sonny had said to him. Together with the mind blowing blow job that Sonny had given him, Rafael had agreed.

“Pretty yourself up”, Rafael had warned him though. “If I’ll get my old ass up to a bar, I at least want to show off with you.”

Rafael had fought the urge to suggest to do Sonny’s hair. Of course, Sonny had ended up wearing too much hair product, but he had not shaved.

So Sonny had a stubbly beard, wore a simple white shirt, navy blue shorts with a white belt and white sneakers.

Rafael wanted to lay him on the spot.

They walked up the stairs to a small bar under the sky of the City. Sonny could not lose the big smile on his face.

Rafael loved that he did not even have to touch Sonny for everyone to know that they were in that bar together. When they both sat down at a little table on the side, they ordered their usual drinks, beer and Scotch.

It would have been a lot cheaper to have beer and Scotch on Rafael’s balcony. This was why, they had briefly discussed having a cocktail simply for the reason of being in a bar, but they both liked their usual drinks, so why even bother.

They enjoyed the open sky of New York City above their heads, the chattering crowd around them and the terrible chill-out music. They did not even talk much, just sat and felt a cold breeze around their nose.

The easy laziness was abruptly destroyed when a familiar face showed up in front of their table.

Rita Calhoun.

Rafael had not seen her in a while. So he got up and hugged her: “Hey, how are you?”

“Not as good as you apparently”, Rita smiled dirtily at Sonny. “Can it be right that Rafael Barba is on a date?”

“No, it’s not a date”, Rafael said with a hand wave. “Just a summer fling. Nothing special.”

He chatted with Rita for a short while but they said their goodbyes soon as Rita was in the bar with some girlfriends.

“If you pay, we could have some Mimosas on the weekend”, Rafael suggested.

“Get your ass up and get a job, Rafael”, Rita replied.

She gave Sonny a short nod before she threw her brown hair over her shoulder and walked across the bar to her table.

Rafael smiled behind her at his dear friend’s cockiness.

He finished his drink and turned to Sonny aiming to ask whether or not they should order a new one. When he looked into Sonny’s face, he knew he had said something wrong.

His expression was deadly.

“It’s like a thirty minute walk to my apartment, we should go”, Sonny said and got up to pay at the bar.

They had agreed beforehand to enjoy a nice summer night walk.

Rafael rolled his eyes. It was obviously about what he had said about the summer fling.

But Sonny had no right to be angry about that, Rafael had said nothing that was not in lines with their arrangement.

Rafael followed him. They walked on the streets of Brooklyn on this wonderful September night and the atmosphere was tense. Rafael pointedly looked at him a few times but Sonny did not respond to his gaze.

He did not say a single word.

Rafael found it childish. He briefly considered taking a cab back to his own flat so as to avoid Sonny’s unjustified anger. But he figured a big gesture like leaving, would make it a thing. So he also said nothing.

When Sonny unlocked his apartment door, he walked straight inside without holding the door open for Rafael like he usually did.

Sonny’s place was really small so he stepped directly into the living area when he opened the door.

The size of the apartment did not respond well to the rage that Sonny wanted to express. Sonny walked in firm steps towards his couch. Rafael had not even closed the door behind him when Sonny asked furiously: “A summer fling, ha?”

_There we go._

Sonny had waited until they were in a private place. Rafael pushed himself to answer as patiently as he could: “Do I need to spell out again that we're casual?”

“Well, Rafael, it's the end of the summer when were you gonna tell me it’s gonna end soon?”

 _Damn it, he is good,_ Rafael thought because he did not know how to respond.

Sonny stood next to his tiny coffee table with his hands in his pockets and his legs spread.

Except for the shorts, he was entirely the Detective Carisi that Rafael knew from work.

“Well, Sonny, isn’t it kind of obvious that we have an expiring date?”, Rafael said with his arrogant voice while stepping towards him.

“You're not honest, Rafael”, Sonny said.

Rafael wondered when Sonny had started to develop the habit of simply ignoring sarcastic comments by Rafael and go on with the conversation.

“Neither to me nor to yourself.”

“Okay, this should be good”, Rafael let out a small laugh and threw the summer jacket he had held over his arm on the armchair next to him. He folded his arms and stuck out his chin when he looked up into Sonny’s eyes.

“Why am I not honest?”

“You can't tell me that what we have isn't special.”

“I'm sorry that a thing with a man isn't something special to me.”

Sonny let out a small laugh and shook his head: “I mean that your whole ‘I don’t want dinner’, ‘I don’t want a date’, ‘I don’t want any romance’ thing is becoming just an act that you put on.”

Rafael’s corner of his mouth went up into a bittersweet smirk.

 _There it was_ , Sonny’s seemingly eternal patience with him had finally come to an end.

“Sonny, I have told you from the beginning that we're not serious and you agreed.”

“Yeah, and I also said that we should see where it goes. Which you agreed to. And if you would be honest to yourself, you would admit that this has gone much more further than a summer fling.”

“It has not”, Rafael shrugged his shoulder.

“You're not honest, Rafael.”

“Would you stop that?”, Rafael complained.

He looked into Sonny’s pale blue eyes. And again, he was able to read Sonny’s emotions in them. Rafael knew that this was not the time to let the problem drop under the table with an arrogant joke.

So here came the blatant truth.

“This isn't going anywhere, Sonny”, Rafael said as convincingly as he could.

“Why not?” Sonny asked.

Rafael heard his own hard heart beat in his ears. 

_Isn't it obvious?_

But he did not want to hurt Sonny.

“Why do you even want to be with me?”

Sonny took in a deep breath and did not answer. He just looked into Rafael’s green eyes.

Rafael decided it would be best to say a truth out loud: “Look, Sonny. You can't tell your family that you are with a man. When you actually could be with a woman instead. _I_ can never tell my mother. You'll just lose them.”

“What I tell my family isn't your decision”, Sonny interrupted him.

“And one day you'll want to have children. You can’t have that with me”, Rafael said nearly desperately.

“That's very far in the future”, Sonny replied.

“But it's going to happen. We won’t last and what if we get invested and then it ends…”

“So it will hurt”, Sonny interrupted him harshly. “That's not a reason to run away.”

Rafael shook his head. He disagreed. In a way, he admired Sonny for being so brave. He could never be like this.

“Look, Rafael. This isn't special to me because you're a man. This is special to me because it's you”, Sonny had put the palms of his hands together and pointed to him. “And it could've happened just one time. It could end today or tomorrow or years from now. It's all fine. It really is. But it's not fine if you're not open to what might become of us. If you're not willing to act on what's happening between us… on the possibility that we could be more than just a casual fling. If you're not willing to do that… then you walk out that door right now”, Sonny pointed with his finger to the door behind Rafael. “But be sure that if that door closes, we are done for good.”

Rafael hated himself for finding him so wonderful in that moment.

His confident posture and the candor of his words.

All this time, Sonny had been extremely tolerant. He had never put any pressure on him. This was probably the reason why they had lasted that long.

But that was the moment.

Sonny offered him an easy way out. He should take it.

Rafael took a step back and studied Sonny’s face. He had his brows drawn together and stared at him intensively out of his cold, blue eyes.

He was disappointed of him.

Rafael wished he would be able to say goodbye in this moment. But his throat was tight so he could not find his voice.

Rafael turned around and walked to the door.

Rafael opened the door and looked into the hallway.

There was no way of telling the original color of that shabby walls. Rafael felt tears approaching his eyes.

He looked up like a fool in a church.

When he looked into the hallway again, he knew that he would not be able to close that door behind him.

Everything he had said was the truth.

Sonny was perfect for _him,_ young, attractive, eager, handsome, smart. But for Sonny, Rafael was just wrong. Sonny should find a sweet woman with the purest heart, marry her on the spot and have three to five children.

It would be pure selfishness to not walk away.

As for what Rafael felt for Sonny, he should really walk away.

Yet, he couldn’t do it.

Rafael slowly closed the door in front of him.

When it was shut, Rafael spotted the security lock at his eye level. He quickly turned it around.

Panic knotted his stomach, but Rafael gave a short nod to the door and turned around.

Sonny had observed him all this time. He had one shoulder turned to him and his hands on his hips, legs spread. Rafael was able to read every emotion from his face.

Sonny was relieved but also angry.

Rafael slowly approached him, keeping eye contact. Sonny did not move but kept his blue eyes locked with Rafael’s green ones.

Rafael gently wrapped his arms around Sonny’s waist and pressed his lips on his. 

Sonny's lips were warm and soft. They gave him the most wonderful feeling. Rafael felt how Sonny’s body slowly relaxed under his arms. Sonny took his own hands away from his hips and cupped Rafael’s face. He pulled him out of the kiss.

They kept standing in their embrace and looked into each other’s eyes.

It was different now.

There was an intimacy in that moment that they could never reach during sex.

“You're angry at me”, Rafael whispered.

“That was not your best move”, Sonny replied gently stroking Rafael’s cheeks.

“I stayed, I think that was a good move.”

Sonny smiled as an answer.

“I am in, Sonny”, Rafael said confidently.

All or nothing. That is what you would expect from Sonny Carisi, right?

“That means that you're my boyfriend now”, Rafael continued.

Sonny’s smile grew even bigger.

“And that means nobody is allowed to touch you except me.”

Sonny laughed and pecked him on the lips.

“You're so jealous.”

“I'll kill anyone who comes too close to you”, Rafael replied deadly serious.

Sonny put his hands on Rafael’s shoulders.

“I didn't mean to pressure you into…”, Sonny started but Rafael interrupted him: “No, I want to do it this way. This is a relationship now.”

Sonny’s beautiful eyes lit up: “You surprise me, Rafael.”

Rafael raised his brows: “Well, that's a good thing.”

They pecked each other on the lips and pulled out of the embrace.

They stood in Sonny’s tiny living area.

“What now?”, Sonny asked.

“We will still have sex”, Rafael smirked.

“Yeah, I mean like… I will clean out a drawer for you?”, Sonny smiled shyly. His accent swirled around the words.

He was so cute when he was nervous.

Rafael thought about it for a moment. “Yeah”, he nodded. “That sounds good.”

In this moment, it occurred to Rafael that a lot of things will actually change when in a relationship. Rafael watched Sonny how he took off his shoes and then his shorts and hanged them over a chair. How he opened the windows. Rafael could not help the big smile crawling in his face.

This is his boyfriend.

Sonny Carisi is his boyfriend.

Sonny caught Rafael staring at him: “What is it?”

Rafael just shook his head: “Nothing.”

Rafael also took off his pants and shoes and sat down on the couch. Sonny brought him a Scotch and himself a beer. He fell on the couch next to Rafael and put his feed on the coffee table. They were not touching.

“Sonny”, Rafael started.

“Mmm”, Sonny answered while taking a sip from his beer.

“I know you're holding back. Don’t do that anymore”, Rafael said in a low voice. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I know you like cuddling and romance and I don’t know what nonsense”, Rafael sighed. “Just go for it.”

“You want the full Carisi-lovin'?” Sonny beamed.

Rafael realized that Sonny was genuinely deeply astouned by his sudden affection.

“Oh my god, there is a phrase for it?”, Rafael asked.

Sonny chuckled.

Rafael breathed in dramatically. “Yeah, hit me with the full Carisi-loving.” But he smiled.

As an answer, Sonny lay his head on Rafael’s lap and looked up smiling at him. Rafael took a sip of his burning Scotch. With the hand not holding his Scotch, he started to stroke through Sonny’s gold and silver hair.

“Are you going to tell your family?”, Rafael asked.

“I think, the squad is enough for now”, Sonny answered. “I mean, they don't even know that I'm with a man.” Rafael nodded. “I mean, they give me such a hard time. I'll butter it on their bread real nice. I should take my time thinking about how to tell them.”

“You should record them when you tell them.”

“That's genius.”

They both laughed. Rafael looked into the eyes of his boyfriend.

The words were on the tip of his tongue.

Rafael burned some Scotch down and closed his eyes. There was panic in his chest. But he tried to concentrate on the warm feeling in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just write for fun but your comments and kudos are amazing. Thank you all! Love loud.


	13. Chapter 13

They were lying next to each on their backs, naked, after sex. Trying to come down from the orgasm, their breathing was still heavy. The windows of Sonny’s small bedroom were wide open which nearly gave them the feeling of lying outside. As September had arrived, the tiny breeze felt chilly on their sweaty, heated bodies.

Sonny took Rafael’s hand in his. Rafael closed his eyes. He felt Sonny’s gaze on him.

Rafael swallowed hard and opened his eyes. He hoped that the panic he had felt when they had been intimate would go away soon.

Rafael turned his head to catch Sonny’s gaze. They both let out a small laugh.

“I still can’t believe what happened”, Sonny said.

“You wanted it this way”, Rafael turned his head back to the ceiling.

No matter how scared of the intimacy he was, he did like the feeling of Sonny’s hands in his.

Sonny was now _his._

He felt Sonny’s breath on his cheeks when his _boyfriend_ laughed again.

“But please don’t giggle”, Rafael said trying to hide his own smile.

Sonny in turn chuckled again: “Boyfriend Rafael Barba says ‘please’. Could you imagine?”

“Don’t get used to it”, Rafael smiled nonetheless. Sonny and his accent. Rafael found it so sweet.

Rafael closed his eyes again. The smell of Sonny’s sweat crawled up into his nose.

“So…”, Sonny started. Rafael hummed. “When was the last time you were in a relationship?”

Rafael smirked. He knew that Sonny tried to tease him for telling him about the streak of sexual acquaintances he had had throughout his not so short life. It did not work. But Rafael loved how Sonny felt secretly offended.

“With a man?”, Rafael started. He lifted his hand and examined the inner forearm of his boyfriend. He gently kissed the inside of Sonny’s wrist. “That should be at least two decades.”

“More than twenty years? Really, Raf? You lead a sad life”, Sonny said half-honest.

“Well, now I have you.”

Rafael turned his head and looked into Sonny’s deep blue eyes. He was nearly able to see the figurative fireworks that sparked from Sonny’s eyes when he had said those words. Because Rafael found him so sweet, he placed a gentle kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead.

“You're cute”, Sonny whispered. Rafael drew his brows together in shock.

“I'm a grown man, I'm not cute”, Rafael complained.

“You are”, Sonny replied with a small laugh.

He kissed Rafael gently on the cheek. Then placed his forehead on Rafael’s temple and started playing with Rafael’s chest hair. Rafael took a deep breath. Sonny’s gentle touches felt so good. He could not believe that now he could claim his presence literally any time he wanted.

“Rafael?”, Sonny asked. Rafael hummed again, dramatically on purpose. “You should take me on a date”, Sonny requested.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

Rafael started laughing. He was going to go for teasing him, but he could not keep the straight face. He just loved the purr in Sonny’s voice when he wanted something from him. Together with the pink cheeks and the hair pointing in every direction, Rafael could not for the life of him deny him anything. But he should not let Sonny know that.

He grinned at Sonny: “As we have already thoroughly established, I used to date in like another century, so don’t expect much.”

“You're so old”, Sonny replied. They both laughed.

Laughing with him made the tense feeling in his chest lighter.

“Speaking of old, I'm cold”, Rafael fumbled for the wet wipes on the night stand.

He handed one wet wipe over to Sonny in an insisting gesture. He did not need to look at him to know that Sonny was rolling his eyes when he took the wet wipe. After they were cleaned up, Rafael put the comforter over them. 

He lay his head down on Sonny’s shoulder.

“You know what? You should also feel special”, Sonny said in a low voice. Rafael shifted to face him. “Because I never went to bed with someone on the first date.” Rafael had not known that. “Not even on the second date”, Sonny continued. “And technically, we've never even been on a date.” They locked eyes. Rafael realized that it must not have been easy for Sonny to say that. Sonny had also given him his virginity. In this moment, Rafael realized that Sonny must not have been quite as fine with their arrangement as he had thought. Or wished.

Rafael’s heartbeat raised.

It was an absolute foolish thing to get rid of the insurance of sanity in favor of a single person. But then again, Rafael thought about this moment not even an hour ago where he had not been able to walk out that door. Yet again, he was scared. Rafael sincerely hoped that if their relationship will come to its likely end one day, it would not be because he had screwed up.

He prayed he would not disappoint Sonny.

Rafael studied his partner’s face. These beautiful blue eyes that gazed at him like a puppy. These kissable lips. These red traces of little bite marks that he had left on his neck. Affection overwhelmed him.

From now on, Rafael must do everything in his power to make this man happy. _His man_. Because he simply was not able to lose him.

The words were on the tip of his tongue. Rafael could not understand why he could not help himself. Maybe he wanted to assure Sonny how serious he was.

Maybe the feeling was just stronger than himself. 

“Sonny”, Rafael whispered. Sonny looked at him a bit surprised by the sincerity in his voice.

Rafael’s throat tightened. This was why he was not able to swallow the words back in his chest where he could lock them away.

 

“I love you.”

 

His voice had been very silent, far away from firm. And his heart beat so hard that his chest hurt. 

It is not easy to make yourself so vulnerable. Rafael looked into Sonny’s eyes hoping he had not said the wrong thing. Sonny’s eyes widened in astonishment, he had not expected to hear these words.

So suddenly. So soon.

At all?

Sonny’s eyes quickly went over Rafael’s expression as if to make sure that Rafael had really said what he had said. Slowly, a corner of Sonny’s mouth went up. He let out a breath in a small laugh of disbelief.

Then Sonny’s whole face lit up. He put his hand on Rafael’s cheek. The heat of his hand was seductive. Sonny closed his eyes and gently put their lips together. 

 _He did not say it back_ , was the thought that came to Rafael’s mind before he closed his own eyes.

Sonny kissed him in his distinctive manner. Deep. As if nothing else than kissing Rafael existed in this world. Sonny let his hands trail slowly over Rafael’s shoulders and waist to his crotch. He felt Sonny’s erection against his crotch. Rafael silently cursed his younger boyfriend for being able to get hard again in such a short time. But maybe it was his strong heart beat or maybe it was Sonny’s hungry tongue that got Rafael, too, erected in no time.

Sonny shoved his long leg around Rafael’s legs and pulled them closer together. The firm gesture made Rafael feel like he was being claimed. Sonny took both of their dicks together in his hand and began to thrive while circling his hips.

Rafael allowed Sonny to do his thing. Like he had let him take the lead on their very first night. And after the warm feeling in his lower belly intensified and the kissing got bold, Rafael broke the kiss in order to watch Sonny’s orgasm.

He loved Sonny’s face when he came. His skin turned red. He had trouble keeping his eyes open. Rafael could watch how the sensation took over Sonny so that his mouth even stopped making sounds. Sonny was so beautiful in this moment, and he was all his. Rafael knew that Sonny appreciated being owned.

He loved him so much. 

Finally, Sonny tightened his grip around Rafael and came. With desperation. He felt the hot come on their stomachs and the hot breath on his face. Rafael was almost sure that the plane reason he came in that moment was from watching Sonny. His partner.

Rafael kissed Sonny while his orgasm hit him. Somehow, he could not look him in the eyes. It made him somewhat insecure that Sonny had not said the words back.

They kept embracing each other. Rafael put one hand on his boyfriend’s cheek. “You're mine”, he whispered in an attempt to push away the fear in his chest. Sonny smiled his gorgeous smile and nodded.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

Sonny had said the words simply. In a firm voice. With a lovely smile on his face.

Now it was Rafael who widened his eyes because of the unexpected words. He let out a laugh and then closed his eyes to enjoy the warm rush floating down his chest. He could not remember ever being this happy.

When he opened his eyes again, he looked into his beloved blue eyes who had watched him. Rafael understood that Sonny’s smile must match his own big one.

“You shouldn’t have waited to say it back”, Rafael said trying to express honestly that it had freaked him out even though there had been only minutes between the confessions.

“You caught me by surprise”, Sonny apologized. “I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened in the last few hours.” Rafael understood. “I kinda more imagined to say it with a big gesture, something romantic. Like under the night sky or… I don’t know.”

“It was absolutely perfect”, Rafael interrupted him and Sonny beamed at him.

“Will you excuse me now? My boyfriend insists on showering after sex”, Sonny teased him.

“I come with you”, Rafael replied.

“How come?”, Sonny wondered. It was too early for Rafael to admit that he would simply miss him during these ten minutes that they would need to be apart while having a shower.

They both got up from the bed and some sperm landed on the sheets. “We need to change the sheets”, Rafael said as a matter of fact.

They went into the small hallway to pass on to the even smaller bathroom.

“But don’t hit on me again”, Rafael teased him.

“Oh, I can’t promise that”, Sonny said with the biggest smile on his face, put an arm around Rafael’s hips and kissed him on one eyebrow. 

So they showered together. For some reason, this tiny apartment had a bathtub that gave the two men enough space.

Rafael loved wet Sonny. He openly let his eyes trail over his body. Right now, he had one bite mark on his left shoulder and two hickeys, one above the collarbone and one on his neck.

“Yes, I'm not able to hide this one under a shirt and tie”, Sonny complained when he followed Rafael’s gaze.

Rafael could for the love of god not feel sorry.

“You have the weekend ahead of you." He shrugged his shoulders in response.

“Speaking of which”, Sonny said casually. “Should we spend the weekend together? You know, as a kind of a celebration.” Sonny did not look at Rafael but he could see that Sonny hoped Rafael would not say “no”.

“I would love to”, Rafael said simply pressing a kiss on his boyfriend’s jaw. That was what he could do anytime now, kiss him.

Sonny smiled sheepishly. “Okay, I cancel my Staten Island plans.”

They stepped out of the shower and went back to the bedroom. Still naked and wet, Sonny ripped off the bed sheet and took a new one out of his built-in closet.

While Rafael rubbed his hair dry with a towel, he said: “Sonny, there are a few things we need to change about you.”

Sonny was putting the new bedsheet around the corners of the bed when he looked up.

“I was wondering when this would come up”, Sonny said, but there was an amused smirk on his face so he did not take Rafael’s words as an insult. “This is much more of what I expected of dating Rafael Barba.”

“This isn't dating, this is a relationship”, Rafael insisted. Sonny smiled at him.

“First, you should cut your hair shorter”, Rafael said. Sonny licked his lips in an attempt to keep his smirk small and continued to wrap the sheet around the next bed corner.

“You think so?”, Sonny asked.

“Yes, you can go to my hairdresser”, Rafael said ignoring Sonny’s amusement.

“I'm not paying 65 Dollars for a haircut.”

“It's your hair”, Rafael put the tips of his thumb and index finger together pointing them towards Sonny for stressing the last word.

“Yes, and it grows really fast”, Sonny replied while finishing to wrap the sheet around the remaining corners. He stroke over the sheet in order to tidy out wrinkles.

Rafael was delighted by the accuracy with which Sonny did the bed. So he took a deep breath and raised one finger: “Okay, I will tell you how and I give Staten Island Luigi one chance.” Rafael wondered from where he knew the name of Sonny’s hairdresser on Staten Island.

“Second, throw away your cologne. It doesn't suit you”, Rafael continued. He had fully dried himself and was now searching for his clothes.

Sonny sat down on the bed, still wet which Rafael did not appreciate. Sonny just raised a brow.

“I'll choose one for you. And stop using mine”, Rafael added.

Sonny just let out a small laugh and shook his head. “Okay”, he said simply. Now he raised one finger: “Wait, let me guess the next one. I also shouldn't use your shampoo.”

“No, my shampoo is good for you”, Rafael said with a waving hand gesture. He had realized that Sonny had bought his brand of shampoo like one month ago after his old one had been finished. He had felt a bit pride for having an influence on him.

“I mustn't use your cologne, but I should use your shampoo”, Sonny asked. He sat cross-legged on the bed watching Rafael get dressed.

“Yes”, Rafael answered simply.

Sonny shook his head, but his expression was still amused.

“Third, for the love of god, use less hair product”, Rafael insisted. “When your hair is shorter, you won’t need much anyway.” Sonny just gave him an affirmative nod with a smile on his face. Rafael was now fully dressed. Well, a t-shirt and boxers. But he was not going to wear more when it was nearly midnight and he was in his boyfriend’s flat.

“But I won’t change my clothes, Rafael”, Sonny said confidently.

“No, I'm happy with the way you dress.”

Sonny’s eyes widened. He jumped up. Rafael gave no reaction to the feigned drama.

“I should shout that out of the window”, Sonny gestured to his open windows. “’Rafael Barba is happy with the way I dress’. Oh wait, we live in the 21st century”, he fumbled for his phone on the nightstand. “I'll record it. And send it to you as a voice message. As eternal proof.” He pressed a button, leaned over the bed and held the phone in front of Rafael’s mouth. “Will you repeat that, please?”

“I'm happy with the way you dress”, Rafael said with a stoned face.

“Thank you”, Sonny said and hit a button on his phone. Rafael heard the sound of an incoming text-message on his phone.

“I realized you started dressing better after you shadowed me”, Rafael said to him sitting down on the bed across him.

Sonny pressed his lips together, pouting: “Well, we have thoroughly established that I used to like you back then.” Rafael noticed that Sonny was somehow embarrassed. Rafael smirked and leaned forward to peck his boyfriend's lips.

“Maybe I should grow my moustache again?”, Sonny suggested in an attempt to get revenge for his embarrassment. But Rafael only slightly tilted his head, his eyes glowing up.

“You liked my stache?”, Sonny burst out in disbelief.

“Against my better judgement, yes”, Rafael smiled.

“You totally liked me back then”, Sonny laughed and slapped on Rafael’s shoulder.

“No”, Rafael said firmly. “Can we go to bed now?”

“Yeah”, Sonny replied. He dried himself with the towel that Rafael had used and put on his underwear while Rafael went to the kitchen to get water for the two of them.

Sonny lay down on the left side, the one closer to the window and Rafael lay down on the right side of the bed, the one closer to the door. When Sonny turned off the light and put the comforter over them, Rafael did not bother looking at the ceiling. He turned to his boyfriend.

“You should also change the detergent you use”, Rafael said. In the dim light of street lamps that flooded the room, Rafael could see Sonny roll his eyes.

“Do you want to be the big spoon or the small spoon?”, Sonny asked instead.

“Big one.”

“I'm actually taller”, Sonny replied while turning around to let Rafael cuddle him from behind.

“If you're the big spoon, I'm afraid that you can’t resist and seduce me again”, Rafael whispered while he cherished the sweet smell of his boyfriend in his nose.

“As if you don’t like that.”

Rafael let his hand slide over Sonny’s stomach hair. His skin was warm. He liked the feel of Sonny’s firm muscles.

It was like they were the only people in New York City.

Sonny took Rafael’s hand in his. He turned around to give Rafael a deep goodnight kiss.

Falling in love is the right expression.

The fast heart beat made him feel like falling which was exciting and scary at the same time. He could hit the ground anytime. But when their lips parted, Rafael smiled warmly at his boyfriend. Luckily, he was with Sonny. Sonny who was actually nice, the sweetest man on earth. With him he would not hit the ground easily.

Rafael could not stop smiling when he nestled up to Sonny’s body.

 

Sonny Carisi would be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. I'm happy for every comment and kudos. Love & Peace!


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